or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
July 06, 2004
Ideas For Bush Administration
If you're going to invade a country and want the invadees to like you, you should avoid doing things the invadees will find unbelievably hateful and offensive. For instance, if you're America and you're invading Iraq, you should avoid using Israelis to torture Iraqis. Ooops!
But while this is incredibly stupid and arrogant of the Bush administration, is it stupidest and most arrogant thing they could do? I say no! Below I've listed three other actions the Bush administration could take that would, possibly, outdo this.
1. Rename Najaf "Bootylicious."
2. Vice President Cheney to appear on Al-Jazeera, urinating on a copy of the Koran.
3. President Bush to give speech at UN ending with, "I wish Mohammed would come back to life, so I could rape him with a pork chop."
Still, getting Israelis to torture Iraqis is a pretty staggering achievement in stupidity and arrogance, and I don't want my suggestions to take away from that.
Posted at July 6, 2004 08:53 AM | TrackBackLook -- someone has to torture Iraqis, right? Saddam's sloppy methods screwed up the whole process, so isn't time to farm out torture to those who know what they're doing? Let the Israelis pick up the slack till the new Iraqi regime gets its act together, then we can hand the branding irons, sharpened pliers and shit-stained hoods back to the locals and get on with the privatization of Iraq.
Posted by: Dennis Perrin at July 6, 2004 10:58 AMThe Iraqis are going through a bit of a rough spot right now and they need the expertise Israeli torturers can bring to, er, the table.
Operation Iraqi Liberation has been a smashing success and would have been even more smashing were it not for the nitpicking of the blame America firsters who, like terrorists, hate us for our freedoms.
Posted by: Harry at July 8, 2004 01:50 AM
