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October 19, 2004

A Funny Little Quiz

A recent article from the New York Review of Books mentions these four, oddly similar statements:

A: "... unlike many armies in the world, you came not to conquer, not to occupy, but to liberate."

B: "Our armies do not come into your cities and lands as conquerers, but as liberators."

C: "I have not come to you except for the purpose of restoring your rights from the hands of the oppressors."

D: "People of Earth: our galactic fleet has invaded your world not to conquer you, and certainly not to steal your plentiful supplies of the sand that fuels our star-engines, but to liberate you! [Sound in background of photon torpedo firing and explosion] Haw, haw. God, I love saying that."

Okay, yes, I made the last quote up. Get off my back. But the first three are real:

A: 2003, Donald Rumsfeld, addressing US troops in Baghdad

B: 1917, British General Stanley Maude addressing Iraqis in Baghdad

C: 1798, Napoleon's proclamation upon occupying Cairo

So it's not surprising people throughout the middle east are a little... skeptical... of our intentions. Americans might have anticipated that, if we had these things I've heard of called "books." My understanding is these "books" sometimes record events from long ago, which can give you a good sense of what's happening now.

Man, that really would've been great. Unfortunately, we had to cut the money budgeted for books so we could buy more high definition plasma TVs.

(I believe the article got all the quotes from Resurrecting Empire: Western Footprints and America's Perilous Path in the Middle East by Rashid Khalidi.)

Posted at October 19, 2004 03:22 PM | TrackBack
Comments

And then there was this:

"I have to be honest with you. Our armies have come to pillage, rape, plunder, and then kill every last one of you."

I'm paraphrasing, of course, but that's the gist of Genghis Khan's message.

You have to respect that kind of straight talk. I'm sure the Middle East respected that kind of candor before they got butchered in the 13th century.

Posted by: Ted at October 19, 2004 06:31 PM

Ted,

Are you sure the order was definitely "pillage, rape, plunder and then kill"? Remember, the Mongols weren't all that fastidious.

Also, I note plunder and pillage are synonymous. But perhaps the repetition demonstrates their commitment to the overall concept.

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at October 19, 2004 07:07 PM

No, no, that's the real statement. You see, the Mongols were concerned that they pace themselves properly when plundering. That's why it was Imperial policy to have a rape break at halftime.

As for the use of "pillage" and "plunder" in the same statement, I think it was to avoid wearisome repetition. They didn't want to have victims roll their eyes in boredom before they set fire to them.

Posted by: Ted at October 19, 2004 10:42 PM

Ted's comment bout the Mongols had, of course, to bring the Blazing Saddles scene to mind about "you said rape twice." "I like rape." I guess there is something to be said for honesty.

Posted by: Anna in Cairo at October 20, 2004 03:54 AM

US President McKinley, on keeping the Philippines as a colony: God entrusted us with the burden of educating and christianizing our little brown brothers. 1899.

Posted by: Jazmine at October 20, 2004 12:49 PM

Books?? Are they still legal? We can talk about them and world history without going to Guantanamo Bay?

RE: "US President McKinley, on keeping the Philippines as a colony: God entrusted us with the burden of educating and christianizing our little brown brothers. 1899."

But it's such a burden what with having to take care of all their resources and finances and military and education. You know it's hard work to keep people in slavery and rob them blind.

Posted by: Terrible at October 20, 2004 07:05 PM