or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
November 06, 2004
Great News! Satan Is Cornered!
This is REALLY exciting. Apparently Satan has been spotted in Fallujah, and we're about to go kill him!
American commanders have assembled a force of Marines, Army soldiers and U.S.-trained Iraqi fighters around Fallujah, a major insurgent base 40 miles west of Baghdad.They are awaiting orders from interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi to launch an all-out assault.
Col. Gary Brandl voiced his troops' determination:
"The enemy has got a face. He's called Satan. He's in Fallujah and we're going to destroy him."
True, everyone eager to kill Satan -- meaning, all of us children of light -- shouldn't count our chickens before they're hatched. We've been trying to get him for eight thousand years, ever since he fell from heaven and then earth was created and then (this part is fuzzy) he decided to come live here sometimes. And we haven't had much luck killing him yet.
Previously, Satan-hunters in Iran had tracked him to the United States. In fact, their greatest scientists of Satanology determined he had actually engulfed the country, turning the whole thing into one "Great Satan." Meanwhile, a small piece of him had split off and eaten Israel, turning it into the "Little Satan."
But clearly now he's escaped to Fallujah. So he's wily. But we already knew that!
So let's sit tight and hope Col. Brandl gets the Archfiend-Antichrist-Beelzebub-Lucifer-Old Scratch-The Great Telemarketer. Then all evil will be gone forever and I'll definitely be able to stop hitting my children and being an alcoholic and hating myself and everyone else.
Posted at November 6, 2004 08:05 PM | TrackBackHow refreshing to know at what level America has become what it hated. I was a pre-teen when the hostages were being held in Iraq and I vividly remember them calling us the "great Satan." This soldier seems a lot like that Boykin character. I wish they would screen people for these types of attitude before they are allowed into decision-making positions.
Posted by: Anna in Cairo at November 7, 2004 06:20 AM
