or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
November 10, 2004
John Ashcroft's Real Religion
We all know John Ashcroft is a religious man. And now that he's leaving the Justice Department, let's remember what that religion actually is. Here's something he said in 1998 to Southern Partisan magazine:
"Your magazine also helps set the record straight. You've got a heritage of doing that, of defending Southern patriots like [Robert E.] Lee, [Stonewall] Jackson and [Confederate President Jefferson] Davis. Traditionalists must do more. I've got to do more. We've all got to stand up and speak in this respect, or else we'll be taught that these people were giving their lives, subscribing their sacred fortunes and their honor to some perverted agenda."
No, I'm not saying Ashcroft's real religion is racism. (Although the link above has truly appalling instances of Southern Partisan "setting the record straight.") It's something else.
Ashcroft here is referencing the last sentence of the Declaration of Independence:
...for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
Do you see what Ashcroft switched? The people who signed the Declaration of Independence mentioned their fortunes, but what they called sacred was their honor. Ashcroft changed it so as to refer to "fortunes" as being sacred.
I suggest this tells you what Ashcroft and the Bush administration -- despite their public piousness -- truly find sacred and truly worship.
Posted at November 10, 2004 01:40 PM | TrackBackThere was a particular variety of Southern Baptists (or maybe Methodist - can't remember) who considered the accrual of wealth to be a form of worship and prayer. Sounds like he's one of those.
Makes you wonder how they feel about camels and needles...
Posted by: James J. Dominguez at November 10, 2004 04:54 PMNice one.
So speaking of das kapital, when does the revolution get bigger? Keeping your reverence for Orwell front and center I can only assume that you feel violent revolution and forced regime change to be nothing but folly. Still, at what point does present circumstance dictate radical action?
James J: took me a second. genious.
Posted by: Joshua Cook at November 10, 2004 05:12 PMI would read "sacred fortune" here as likely meaning "fortune" in the sense of "fate", so the argument would be against the Confederate leaders have incurred damnation of their soul for having supported the Confederate cause. In the context of Civil War figures, I think this reading may make more sense*. The obvious reworking of the Declaration does make you wonder just how the two senses of the word might be fused in Ashcroft's mind.
* ...wait, I'm implying that Ashcroft might make sense... well, it could happen, right? ... right? ... work with me here folks ...
Posted by: plover at November 10, 2004 05:25 PMPlover, you are really stretching it. He is OBVIOUSLY referencing the Declaration. The context there was clear and everyone knows that "fortunes" did not mean "fate" but it meant "money." I just think this is a very, very funny freudian slip.
Posted by: Anna in Cairo at November 11, 2004 03:37 AMI, for one, am very taken with how consistently Ashcroft et al stay on-message when it comes to patriotism and war. When an American soldier puts his life on the line, it is nothing short of treason to question whether his motivation is noble. Even if he is killing *other Americans*.
How Ashcroft reconciles this notion -- his dedication to "setting the record straight" -- with the GOP's constant invoking of Abraham Lincoln as their founder is a little less clear...
Posted by: inkywretch at November 11, 2004 11:03 AMAnna: Ok, I suppose I should chalk this one up to trying too hard. I should have known that expecting "sense" and "Ashcroft" to occupy the same place at the same time would probably violate laws of physics...
Posted by: plover at November 11, 2004 06:35 PM
