or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
December 02, 2004
Dear Israel: You Should Hire Liars Who Are Less Funny
Perhaps you read about Israeli soldiers recently forcing a Palestinian violinist to play them a song at a checkpoint. This has certain unfortunate... undertones... to it, just like Israelis writing numbers on the arms of Palestinian prisoners has unfortunate undertones.
But guess what? It turns out they didn't force the Palestinian violinist to play! The Israeli army has investigated, and this Palestinian guy, for unknown reasons, decided on his own to play a song! All the soldiers did was make him STOP playing!
True, this makes no sense whatsoever, as the violinist himself points out. But the important thing is to find some lie to tell, no matter how unintentionally funny.
Likewise, it will probably turn out that Iman al-Homs, the 13 year-old Palestinian girl who recently died mysteriously in the vicinity of Israeli soldiers, was not shot by them. Instead, an investigation will determine she stole dozens of the soldiers' bullets and forced them into her own body.
Yes, there are few things more amusing than people nervously telling transparent lies. And that's why Israel is becoming more hilarious every day. I'm surprised the Israeli army hasn't claimed Iman al-Homs is alive, and her total lack of movement is due to her "pining for the fiords."
Posted at December 2, 2004 12:42 AM | TrackBackSort of like when those Rose Law Firm billing records magically appeared in the Clinton living quarters at the White House and Hillary said she didn't know they were there.
Those types of lies show the profound arrogance of the powerful either in the belief that they are bulletproof (so to speak) or that the public is so stupid that enough people will believe the lies.
Posted by: Brian at December 3, 2004 12:59 PMIt's those fiords man.
Maybe Iman al-Homs is still alive, and we're all dead? In the backward place.
Brian,
Yes indeed. I'm with Jim Hightower on this one -- as he likes to say, politics isn't left vs. right, it's top vs. bottom. Anyone of any political persuasion acts like this when they can.
Although in fairness to Hillary Clinton, the Rose Firm billing records stuff isn't as bad as the Israeli army lying about how they shot people. What IS as bad is that as a Senator, she will accept the Israeli lies without hesitation.
I am a grumpy person. By the way, I know I still owe you some thoughts about possible voter fraud, which I will get to one of these days.
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at December 3, 2004 04:02 PM
