Breaking News: I LIVE ON MARS

On Monday, Bush minion Peter Wehner sent an email to "opinion leaders," outlining the Bush strategy for Social Security. You can see it in its entirety at Brad DeLong's site. But here's an important excerpt:

Here's a startling fact: under current law, an average retiree in 2050 would be scheduled to receive close to 40 percent more (in real terms) in benefits than an average retiree today -- and yet there are no mechanisms in place to produce the revenue to pay out those benefits. No one on this planet can tell you why a 25-year-old person today is entitled to a 40 percent increase in Social Security benefits (in real terms) compared to what a person retiring today receives.

Wow! This is very interesting for me, because I can tell you why a 25 year-old person today is entitled to a 40% increase in Social Security benefits. In other words, I'm not on this planet.

You see, this is why it's important for me to keep up with the news. I've previously found out from the Washington Post that I'm irresponsible, and from the New York Times that I'm unreasonable. Fortunately, that doesn't matter, since I found out by reading Christopher Hitchens that I don't exist. And yet somehow I'm Swedish.

So, to recap: I am an irresponsible, unreasonable non-existent Swede living on Mars.

The surprising thing is how many of us there are.

UPDATE: Is it possible that Peter Wehner was not HIMSELF on earth when he wrote that email? Maybe he sent it from a small ship bobbing on the cold hydrogen seas of Saturn. In other words, I may still be here on the third planet from the sun!

In any case, modern life is very confusing.