or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
January 25, 2005
"Diarrhea" Polled Badly, So Now The President Refers To It As "Freedom"
Josh Marshall was on the Al Franken Show today with Republican pollster Frank Luntz. They had a brief debate about terminology, which you can listen to here.
It used to be that everyone -- Republicans, Democrats and the press -- used the same word for what Bush wants to do with Social Security. That word was "privatization." And if you privatized Social Security, everyone would end up with a "private account."
This was true up until very recently. But then people like Luntz realized these terms didn't poll well. So now Bush has started talking about "personal accounts." (As far as I know, he hasn't said he wants to "personalize" Social Security.)
Today Luntz explained that because the president has changed terminology, the media must change too. If they don't -- if they continue using "privatization" or "private accounts" -- they are showing a disgusting left wing bias.
I agree. The press must call everything on earth exactly what the president chooses to call it. So if "private accounts" start to poll badly too and the president switches again, then the press must also immediately switch.
So just in case, I've come up with some possible replacements for "personal accounts." I know Frank Luntz joins me in looking forward to hearing these used by every news outlet in America.
• Freedom Accounts
• Liberty Accounts
• Delicious Donut Accounts
• Free Lear Jets For Everyone Accounts
• Accountable Accountant Accounts
• Michael Moore Hates America Accounts
• Hillary Clinton Is A Lesbo Accounts
• (Osama Bin Laden Calls These) Private Accounts
• 个人帐户 *
• Frank Luntz Is A Huge Douchbag Accounts
* According to Babelfish, 个人帐户 means "personal accounts" in Chinese.
Further suggestions for new terms are appreciated.
Posted at January 25, 2005 09:36 PM | TrackBackWhat about Sorry On accounts?
As in "Sorry, on account the money isn't here anymore"
"Do what now?" accounts
Posted by: oyster at January 26, 2005 11:22 AMFreedom Accounts™ where they store the money from the Free Tax™ (formerly known as the payroll tax) – cuz see while it's a tax, instead of stealing it from you like the government does with most taxes, it goes into your own account, so since it's a tax you get to keep it's really a Free Tax™.
(Freedom Accounts™ and Free Tax™ are trademarks of the Club for Growth who receive a license fee on all deposits)
Patriot Accounts
Bring 'em on Accounts
Let's roll Accounts
Antisocial Security Accounts
When I translate 'personal accounts' to Chinese I get this - 私人的报告
Posted by: Terrible at January 26, 2005 12:30 PMMegaJackpot Piratization Account
Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at January 26, 2005 02:04 PMIf this weren't a family-oriented site, I'd offer a Sopranos-inspired moniker. Like, "I have such a big hard-on for you" account.
So, instead my vote is for the kittens, as long as Bill Frist can be in charge.
how about Al-Gore-Socially-Responsible-Investing-Is-For-Losers accounts?(to help bring unsuspecting red state democratic senators aboard...)
and
They-Hate-Us-For-Our-Freedom Accounts(to help recently naturalized Americans fit in...)
Posted by: Hugo at January 26, 2005 08:43 PMActually, the both of you are correct on "personal accounts"...the one that Jon found out referred to accounts in the sense of bank accounts, while the "accounts" by Terrible refer to the "accounts" of a certain event.
Posted by: En Ming Hee at January 26, 2005 08:59 PMHow about, "It's MY money accounts"
Or "I like to gamble accounts"
Awesome Accounts (for the youth)
Bonus Accounts
Bonanza Accounts!!! (leaving out the three (3) exclamation points will indicate liberal bias)
Income Accounts
Better Accounts (for moderate Republicans)
Millionaire Accounts
Billionaire Accounts
Gold Accounts
Social Security - Platinum Edition
Also, you forgot the E in douchebag, but otherwise the post was perfect (assuming "the post" includes this comment).
Faith Based Accounts
No-Account Accounts
No Accountability Accounts
Unaccounted-for Accounts
Wealth of Mass Deception Accounts
Delusional Accounts
My Ass Accounts
