or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
February 25, 2005
Jerry Falwell, Explained
Have you ever wondered how Jerry "Gays and Feminists Caused 9/11" Falwell became such a vicious, bloodthirsty lunatic? Via the New Yorker, this section from Falwell's 1987 autobiography, Strength for the Journey, goes a long way toward explaining it:
There were times that Dad's pranks bordered on cruelty. One of his oil-company workers, a one-legged man he nicknamed "Crip" Smith, complained about everything. Dad and Crip's co-workers got tired of the old man's bellyaching and decided to take revenge. One morning Crip called in sick and Dad volunteered to send by lunch to his grateful but suspicious employee. Dad and his chums caught Crip's old black tomcat, killed it, skinned it, and cooked it in the kitchen of one of Dad's little restaurants. They called it squirrel meat and delivered it to Crip on a linen-covered tray. When Crip returned to work the next morning, Dad and his co-conspirators asked him how he liked his meal. They knew he would complain even about a free home-cooked lunch, and when Crip called it "the toughest squirrel meat" he had ever eaten, they were glad to tell him why.
I can't decide what's most insane about this. Is it:
(1) that Falwell grew up with a father this batshit crazy; or
(2) that Falwell seems to have little recognition of how batshit crazy his father was? And shows no signs of wondering how growing up in a family like that warped his own view of the world?
As I say, I got this from this week's issue of the New Yorker. Note that while it appears at the beginning of a humor piece by Ian Frazier (one of the funniest writers on earth), the quote itself is real.
Of course, Frazier may not be the first person to take fear and anger toward Falwell and turn it into comedy. I believe others have too.
Posted at February 25, 2005 04:26 PM | TrackBackThat is one of the most horrifying things I've ever read. On both levels (1) and (2).
Posted by: Trix at February 25, 2005 04:39 PMLet me get this straight: they killed the guy's cat, skinned it and cooked it, served it to him and then "were glad to tell him why" it was tough, right? And this person claims to follow him whom "a bruised reed he will not break and smoking flax he will not quench?" Who follows this wolf in sheep's clothing, and what do they gain from their allegiance to an idolator?
I knowed a feller oncet et dead pig.
Horseburger too.
Gospel.
Posted by: degustibus at February 25, 2005 07:25 PMgod is a forgiving god. he wants good ole' boys to be good ole' boys, or he wouldn't have made them as they were.
by the way, did anyone see the "fair and balance" los angeles times piece about Guckert/Gannon. Hilarious. Journalism has been reduced to rhetorical geometry, here is one side which is full of it, here is the other side which isn't. you decide.
Posted by: jazzdocent at February 25, 2005 09:34 PM"Bordered on cruelty," huh? Falwell's shtick borders on blasphemy.
Posted by: Lennonist at February 25, 2005 10:26 PMAhem. "Borders" on blasphemy.
I guess that's what dominion over nature means to Falwell's ilk, right?
Posted by: Lennonist at February 25, 2005 10:33 PM"Borders" on cruelty. "Borders" on cruelty. Jumpin' Jeebus, what would have required this stunt to cross that border? Forcing "Crip" to watch? Cutting off "Crip's" other leg and feeding that to him instead?
Batshit crazy indeed. Bugfuck crazy, even. No wonder this man is so screwed up.
Posted by: JC from NC at February 25, 2005 11:57 PMActually Jonathan,
cruelty to animals seems to be a theme weaved through the lives of many hard right types, and especially the religious right. You may have noticed this; read about GWB exploding frogs as a kid, or Digby's post about James Dobson. It's also a common theme among sociopaths, come to think of it.
That isn't on the border of Cruelty, that's very nearly in Cruelty's capitol city, Torture.
But what can one expect from adherents to a religion whose founding myth is a story of torture and execution?
Posted by: Ron at February 26, 2005 02:07 PMThe story is twistedly sadistic in a serial killer / Hannibal Lecter kind of way.
Side note on Ron's comments -- the founding myth is also about forgivance and acceptance and or course hope. There are lots of people out there who focus on the love of Jesus' message and not on the hate and bile spewed forth from some of the other parts of the bible.
Anyway, don't be so quick to blame Christianity for all the sociopathic conservatives out there -- I think all religions (and communists) have these same whacko segments of society. It's probably more caused by a lack of an ability in people to think critically and examine their own motivations.
Posted by: Chris at February 28, 2005 12:03 PM
Dad's "PRANKS"? "BORDERED" on cruelty?
Wow. So what is "actual" cruelty, then?
P.S..happens to know a little something private about Mr. Falwell.
An old friend (name and profession omitted for obvious reasons) worked at one time for Mr. Falwell & his organization in a high-level professional capacity.
This (male) person once visited Falwell at his campus and was given by the good Dr. himself a copy of the school's female student photo album (it may have been the freshman yearbook, not sure.) He was asked "anything you like in here? Take your pick."
This person (married) was stunned and laughed it off. But told me years later.
Moral values, indeed.
(Wonder how many others working for Falwell said "yes" - and are now paying the price?)
Posted by: chicflick at February 28, 2005 04:19 PMJerry would never have questioned his father's motives or sanity, as that would be breaking a commandment. However, killing a cat and tricking someone into eating it isn't expressly forbidden in the Bible, so it's OK.
Posted by: K at March 1, 2005 10:25 AMIt's OK, because the cat was fornicating with many other cats and had a history of such ("old tom cat").
They dragged it out into the desert, and stoned it.
Perfectly in accordance with scripture.
Posted by: MasonMcD at March 1, 2005 09:54 PMCats are *not* Kosher. Neither are squirrels.
Posted by: Andrew A. Gill at March 15, 2005 05:25 PMFalwell is a great man...he has done much good for this nation. You all need to smoke another doobie & chill...
Posted by: k from KY at March 30, 2005 09:16 PMThis is what happens when close relatives marry over generations.
Posted by: Kristi at July 23, 2005 12:14 PMDespite this unfortunate incident in his childhood, Jerry Falwell has grown up to be a great and moral man of God. I read his book several years ago when life wasn't going so good for me and it was a very inspirational and encouraging book. It was helpful to me and I think it is unfortunate that some choose to focus on this act that his father did instead of on Rev. Falwell's overwhelming accomplishments and contributions to society.
Posted by: sansan at November 7, 2005 01:18 AMAlright, I'll bite ... what "overwhelming accomplishments" had Falwell been up to lately?
Posted by: Garote at May 16, 2007 07:48 AMJerry Falwell was a hateful, bigoted, hypocritical son of a bitch. All he did was bring the Inquisition into the modern age. I'm waiting for the others to drop dead. [Phelps, Robertson, Dobson...]
Posted by: wmdkitty at May 16, 2007 08:09 PMParents are the Gods of children. Many children - even those who are extremely abused - would rather forgive their parents than face the fact that their parents are evil, loveless, shitholes who never cared for them. Jerry Falwell says "border on..." because he can't bring himself to admit what his father was: a psychopath.
Children who grow up with such parents and who are unable or refuse to admit the truth are incredibly fucked up.
Posted by: Lesley at May 16, 2007 09:52 PMParents are the Gods of children. Many children - even those who are extremely abused - would rather forgive their parents than face the fact that their parents are evil, loveless, shitholes who never cared for them. Jerry Falwell says "border on..." because he couldn't bring himself to admit what his father was: a psychopath.
Children who grow up with such parents and who are unable or refuse to admit the truth are incredibly fucked up.
Posted by: Lesley at May 16, 2007 09:52 PMI am surprised that so many intelligent people are basing their opinion of a man who they do not know solely on what has been reported in the media. Having an opinion on something does not mean one "hates". I'm a teacher; when I say that it is wrong to cheat, am I then a hater? Shame on us when we evaluate anyone based on what is reported in the press.
Posted by: Ugly Naked Guy at May 18, 2007 03:02 PMDon't be intentionally obtuse. People are judging Falwell based on what HE WROTE. IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY.
Well, people here are mostly talking about what he wrote in his autobiography. There are, however, others here and elsewhere who are really saying some horrible things about a man who they do not know. I come back to my original question: Am I a hateful, bigoted person if I say that it is wrong to cheat on a test? Falwells opinion--or yours, or mine--on any matter doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how he treats people. I would like to know how the man treated others--not what he thinks. I think all kinds of horrible things; I bet you do to. Fortunately, we don't say them all aloud, and when we do, it is not trumpeted all over the news. I happen to know a few people who knew the man personally. I used to think he was horrible too.
Posted by: Ugly Naked Guy at May 18, 2007 04:48 PM"I would like to know how the man treated others--not what he thinks."
Exactly! Likewise, Saddam Hussein was quite generous to those closest to him. Why would any intelligent person base their opinion of the man solely on what's been reported in the media?
Also, hasn't everyone thought that gay people and the ACLU are to blame for 9/11? I know I have.
Posted by: dev at May 18, 2007 05:28 PMSo good to hear that you are open to hearing another viewpoint. Really, are you saying that regardless of what facts may be presented, you won't change your opinion of the man?
I have still not had anybody answer my original question: Am I a hating bigot if I say that cheating on tests in school is wrong?
Posted by: Ugly Naked Guy at May 18, 2007 06:04 PM"Am I a hating bigot if I say that cheating on tests in school is wrong?"
Of course not! And by the same logic, you would not be a hating bigot if you said on national television that all Muslims and Jews should be exterminated. After all, in both cases you would merely be expressing your "opinion."
For anyone to say otherwise would indicate they're not open to hearing another viewpoint.
Posted by: dev at May 18, 2007 06:17 PMOK, I get it. You are not interested in hearing why you might be mistaken about Rev. Falwell. Go ahead, have fun bashing. I was actually looking for a serious conversation and I guess I came to the wrong place.
Posted by: Ugly Naked Guy at May 18, 2007 08:59 PM"Dad and his chums caught Crip's old black tomcat, killed it, skinned it, and cooked it in the kitchen of one of Dad's little restaurants..."
================================================
The story could still have had a happy ending:
"The next day, Crip came into work with a long bag. He called in my dad, took a shotgun out of the bag, and promptly blew my dear dad's
red and grey brain matter all over the room.
And that was how my dad died, gurgling like a leaky sink on the office floor. Crip ran for the border and was never seen again.
My dad's demise must have been the Will Of God, 'cause the man was a piece of human shit who deserved his ugly fate."
====================================================================================================================================================================================================
JERRY FALWELL AND ALL HIS EVIL SUPPORTERS WILL BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY WITH SATAN,
WHERE THEY BELONG.
Rightwing Conservatism=SATAN'S POLITICS
This is FACT, not opinion.
God works in strange ways. YEE-HAW!!!!!!!!
"Dad and his chums caught Crip's old black tomcat, killed it, skinned it, and cooked it in the kitchen of one of Dad's little restaurants..."
================================================
The story could still have had a happy ending:
"The next day, Crip came into work with a long bag. He called in my dad, took a shotgun out of the bag, and promptly blew my dear dad's
red and grey brain matter all over the room.
And that was how my dad died, gurgling like a leaky sink on the office floor. Crip ran for the border and was never seen again.
My dad's demise must have been the Will Of God, 'cause the man was a piece of human shit who deserved his ugly fate."
====================================================================================================================================================================================================
JERRY FALWELL AND ALL HIS EVIL SUPPORTERS WILL BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY WITH SATAN,
WHERE THEY BELONG.
Rightwing Conservatism=SATAN'S POLITICS
This is FACT, not opinion.
God works in strange ways. YEE-HAW!!!!!!!!
