You're wrong that, in high society, wearing a fake nose and glasses is considered sophisticated.

Jonathan,

You claimed to have written "Muskrat Love". You didn't, you were wrong and you should admit it. You also accused me of being a Rotarian. I can forgive that if you will admit you were wrong, wrong, wrong. That's the extent of my beef with you, and I type it more in sorrow than blind, spitting, homocidal rage.

Not many people know this, but Jon got an 800 on his SAT Verbal. However, I now know that he got this by paying for a golf junket to St. Andrews for all of the ETS staff in New Jersey. He's been using that 800 for years to claim that he is never wrong about anything, but now I have the facts, and it is my duty to point out just some of the many errors on his SAT that were "missed" by ETS examiners drunk on Scotch whisky and stuffed with haggis:

1) In the antonyms section, Jon, "germane" is NOT the opposite of "really clean".
2) Also, "inane" and "octane" are not antonyms.
3) In the analogy section, "animal : husbandry" does NOT correspond to "Michael Jackson : pedophilia".

Unfortunately, Jon has continued to be wrong about so many things. In fact, he was so wrong about there being no missing WMD in Iraq that True Patriotic Americans who knew the Truth took pity on him and paid him lots of money.

It's sad that I know this man, who still believes that Charles Lindbergh is "a very smelly kind of cheese".

And there's the time when Jon bought bushels and bushels of tulips, reasoning that "we're long overdue for another tulip bulb craze."

Wrong so far.

...And let's not forget the time he tried to get us all to bankroll the Official Mr. T Museum. Wrong wrong wrong. I won't go further. I think the title of his last book, "Centipedes of Lee Harvey Oswald: Their Role in the Debacle of Dealey Plaza" says enough.

The planned anti-Syrian protest at the Martyrs Square comes exactly four weeks after Prime Minister Rafic Hariri's assassination. Independent estimates placed the number of the opposition demonstration at well over 1.3 million, half an hour before the sit-in was scheduled to begin at mid-afternoon.

http://www.albawaba.com/en/countries/Syria/181322

BEIRUT, Lebanon Mar 14, 2005 — Hundreds of thousands of anti-Syrian demonstrators flooded the capital Monday in the biggest protest ever in Lebanon, surpassing the turnout for an earlier pro-Damascus rally organized by the Islamic militant Hezbollah. In a show of national unity, Sunnis, Druse and Christians packed Martyrs' Square as brass bands played and balloons soared skyward.

The rally, perhaps the biggest anti-government demonstration ever staged in the Arab world, was the opposition's bid to regain momentum after two serious blows: the reinstatement of the pro-Syrian prime minister and a huge rally last week by the Shiite group Hezbollah.

http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=580276&page=1

Your fifteen minutes are up, reliapundit. You've gone from entertaining crackpot to annoying little boy. You had no credbility to begin with and now you managed to become a door to door evangelist. No one but your fellow believers want your Message of Substance.

Like Jon, I got 800 on my verbal SAT. Of course, that was decades ago. I've heard that "everything you know is wrong," and also, "in the next life you're on your own." But I'd have to say that perhaps the most inspiring Firesign Theatre quote - or maybe the word I want is "bracing", or "amphigorous" - is

"THIS is the future - you got to live it or live WITH it."

May the Creative Forces of the Universe have mercy on our souls, if any.

The "not me" sign plastered on your photo is not fooling anyone, Jon! Osama could probably scribble "not me" on his passport photo and waltz through Security in Newark. But, so you know, Jon (I mean, George), this is ATR, the site where lying is a little harder than elsewhere.

_ None of the characters in Thomas Hardy's Jude the Obscure are based on you, even in part.

- "Saturday Night Live" was actually not much funnier in the '70s than it is now.

- Frank Sinatra would not have liked you if he had met you.

- Even if the above hypothesis were true, your proposed book about it would not be a best-seller. It would not be excerpted in general-audience magazines like "Reader's Digest." It certainly would not inspire a popular sitcom. You are seriously overestimating the audience for "other people's fantasies about hypothetical friendships with dead celebrities." And I'm sick of explaining that to you.

- Predicting the outcome of "Diagnosis Murder" when there's still 15 minutes left in the episode (counting the "scenes from the next..." segment) does not make you cool.

Jon, you were also wrong when you insisted that pulsed microwave beams are good for cat training; Husserl would have been a better lead-off hitter than Popper (check your stats -- Husserl was only good when batting against other phenomenologists, indoors in day games); and that when doing transfusions in a pinch, Bass Ale is an acceptable substitute for plasma.

I will expect your apology soon and in all caps.

Bob

Jonathan,
Given that you are sooooooooo wrong about soooooo many things, plus you seem to enjoy it, yeah verily, even revel in it, have you considered a career move to politics or religion or do the double as it seems to be the hot number at the moment? Speaking of religion, politics and hot numbers, you haven't heard from Jeff Gannon lately, have you?

Jon,

These people are clearly suffering from extraordinary jealousy. After all, you were right about so many things: stirrup pants, Good Charlotte, the ascendancy of Hister, the second anti-Christ. You can be sure that, next year, I'll be coming to YOU to fill out my damn March Madness brackets.