The Main Problem With Richard Nixon? He Wasn't Anti-Semitic Enough

Daniel Ellsberg has posted transcripts on his website from the sections of the Nixon White House tapes that refer to him. According to Ellsberg, these are the first transcripts made of these particular tapes. And this is a shame, because they are further evidence that Richard Nixon was completely insane.

Specifically, Nixon seems unable to speak more than three words without referring to "the Jews." "The Jews" are conspiring against him. "The Jews" have taken over the State Department. "The Jews" are hiding in his breakfast cereal.

Of course, reading the actual transcripts takes time. So to save you the trouble, I've made up the following dialogue—which, while not technically real, is an accurate representation of the trancripts' spirit:

Nixon: Cronkite mentioned Ellsberg last night. Cronkite's a Jew, isn't he?
Haldeman: I'm not sure.
Nixon: Cronkike.
Haldeman: [unclear]
Nixon: What is it with the Jews and the network news, Bob? Maybe it's because "Jews" rhymes with "news."
Haldeman: That's true.
Nixon: "Jews" also rhymes with "shoes." Which is why they've [inaudible] the shoe business. You can't buy a Christian shoe these days. Try it and you'll see.
Haldeman: Have you ever looked at their feet?
Nixon: The Jews, the Jews, everyone knows they have special feet. That's how I knew William Sloane Coffin was a Jew. I saw him wearing sandals.
Haldeman: Whatever his feet, Jews wear sandals.
Nixon: Kissinger, though, that's a different story. I told him: Henry, your feet are almost Presbyterian.
Haldeman: Almost 100%.
Nixon: Bob, I, I need your help. I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning. Bob—
Haldeman: Sir?
Nixon: [whispered] I think my big toes are Jewish.

The genuine references to Ellsberg and "the Jews" are below. The funniest part of all, of course, is that someone this crazy was president and had the power to kill everyone on earth.

Nixon: I hope to God - he's not Jewish is he?

Ziegler: [Laughing] I'm sure he is - Ellsberg?

Nixon: I hope not, I hope not.

Haldeman: [unclear] is Jewish. Why the hell wouldn't he be?

Nixon: Oh yeah, I know, I know, I know, but it's, it's, it's, it's a bad thing for us. It's a bad thing for us. It's a bad thing. Maybe we'll be lucky for once. Many Jews in the Communist conspiracy... Chambers and Hiss were the only non-Jews... Many thought that Hiss was. He could have been a half... Every other one was a Jew - and it raised hell for us. But in this case, I hope to God he's not a Jew.

Haldeman: [Laughing] Well, I suspect he is.

Nixon: You can't tell by the name.

Haldeman: Or Halperin... Gelb is -

Nixon: Gelb's a Jew.

Nixon: You can never put, John, any person who is a Jew on a civil rights kind of case, or freedom of the press kind of case, and get even a ten percent chance. . . . Basically, who the hell are these people that stole the papers? It's too bad. I'm sorry. I was hoping one of them would be a gentile. [laughter] [unclear] The three Jews - Gelb - the three suspects... All Jews."

Mitchell: [laughing] Well, at least the Supreme Court yesterday ruled that the Jews couldn't get into a golf club.

July 3, 1971: Nixon and Haldeman, 10:41 A.M., Oval Office
Conversation #536-16; cassette #871

Nixon: Colson, he's a clever bastard. He had his office call the Bureau of Labor Statistics... Goldstein... I said, "Were they all Jews?" He said, "Yes. Every one of them was a Jew." Malek's not Jewish is he?

Haldeman: No.

Nixon: I want to look at any sensitive areas around, where Jews are involved, Bob. See, the Jews are all through the government. And we have got to get in those areas, we've got to get the man in charge, who is not Jewish, to patrol the Jewish -

Haldeman: [unclear]

Nixon: . . . full of Jews. Second, most Jews are [unclear]. You know what I mean? You have Garment and Kissinger.

Haldeman: And thankfully Safire.

Nixon: But by God, they're exceptions. But Bob, generally speaking, you can't trust the bastards. They turn on us.

Haldeman: And their whole orientation is against this administration anyway... And they're smart. They have the ability to do what they want to do. Which is, to hurt us...

Nixon: Henry doesn't have many Jews. Got this one...

Haldeman: He's got quite a few... He had Halperin.

Nixon: Yeah, I know. But, you know... he's got Haig, his secretary is not Jewish.

Haldeman: None of his aides have ever been Jewish, even Tony Lake who turned on us...

Nixon: That's right.

Haldeman: But his... the young guys, that he's always had...

Nixon: Well Tony Lake always seemed Jewish.

Haldeman: I don't think so. I wondered about that.

Nixon: He looked it.

Haldeman: I know.

July 5, 1971: Nixon, Haldeman, and Ziegler, 4:03 P.M., Oval Office
Conversation #537-4; cassette #876

Nixon: Jewish families are close, but there's this strange malignancy that seems to creep among them - radicalism. I can imagine how the fact that Ellsberg is in this must really tear a fella like Henry to pieces - or Garment. Just like the Rosenbergs and all that. It just has to kill them. I feel horrible about it.

Ziegler: Could make up an English name.

Haldeman: ... Rosenstein could change his name...

[general laughter]

Ziegler: It is right. It's always an Ellsberg.

Nixon: Every one's a Jew. Ellsberg's a Jew. Halperin's a Jew.

Haldeman: Gelb's a Jew.

Nixon: But there are [unclear] - Hiss was not a Jew. Very interesting thing. So few of those who engage in espionage - are Negroes. . . . In fact, very few of them become Communists. If they do, they like, they get into Angela Davis - they're more the capitalist type. And they throw bombs and this and that. But the Negroes. - have you ever noticed? . . . . Any Negro spies?

Haldeman: Not intellectual enough, not smart enough. . . not smart enough to be spies.

Nixon: The Jews - the Jews are, are born spies. You notice how many of them are just in up to their necks?

Haldeman: A basic deviousness.