What happens when Don McLean sings about martial arts movies? You get this...the whole of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon summarized to the tune of "American Pie!"

DRAGON GIRL, FLY
(To the tune of "American Pie" by Don McLean)

A long long time ago,
It was in China when people fought with style.
One girl left nothing to chance
And fought as though she was in a dance.
And then she had this really luminous smile...
But in such times people fought their own fate
As well as each other by the blade.
Tradition sat on the doorstep
It watched all of your steps.
I can't say if Li Mu Bai cried when he
Knew that youth had passed him by
Something touched him deep inside
When he saw Jen in flight...

So Fly fly, go dragon girl fly,
Trash the masses on their asses,
But Love takes by surprise,
And you may not be prepared for sacrifice
If confronted with "What if you die?"
Confronted with "What if you die?"

You had in forbidden love
Learnt to disrespect the 'up above'
Your evil governess told you so.
And did you believe in takin' a roll
When you met this guy called Lo
After a long desert trek so slow.
Oh when you fell in love with him,
You made out when the stars grew dim
In love you were good as fools
Man, you didn't play by the rules.
You were a rowdy teenage warrior gal
And if they'd think twice you'd give them hell,
But you knew your heart had said farewell
When you saw Li Mu Bai...

And we were singing
Fly fly, go dragon girl fly,
Trash the masses on their asses,
But Love takes by surprise,
And you may not be prepared for sacrifice
If confronted with "What if you die?"
Confronted with "What if you die?"

Now for a few years
You've been on your own
And all should be fine at home
But that's not how it's supposed to be,
And when they came with something green
The likes which you've never seen,
A weapon forbidden to you and me.
But you flew like a thistledown,
Took the sword when no one's around
Yu came and then you fought
You gave not a single thought.
You later got into that duel
Cos you thought Yu and Li were cruel
Oh but really if you only knew
And if understand you tried...

And we were singing
Fly fly, go dragon girl fly,
Trash the masses on their asses,
But Love takes by surprise,
And you may not be prepared for sacrifice
If confronted with "What if you die?"
Confronted with "What if you die?"

Flew and skimmed and glided through bamboo
You and Li and the Green sword too,
When he wanted to see your heart true
You fumed and spat on the branch above
For you thought he knew not of true love.
And then down the waterfalls your sword fell.
Now through the air was heard a slice,
Cold steel was the glance in your eyes.
You gathered up all your resolve
After the sword was the only course!
Cause even though you wouldn't yield,
He thought you unfit for the sword to wield.
Do you recall how his fate was sealed?
Oh yes, Li Mu Bai died...

And we were singing
Fly fly, go dragon girl fly,
Trash the masses on their asses,
But Love takes by surprise,
And you may not be prepared for sacrifice
If confronted with "What if you die?"
Confronted with "What if you die?"

Then you woke up in the middle of a plan,
Right down there in Jade Fox's den.
In real big trouble once again...
So though you were nimble, you were quick,
With your family you refused to stick,
Your evil mentor was your only friend.
Oh and you didn't know what you should
Cos Jade Fox doped you up real good.
Li you were to seduce.
That anyone could deduce.
And while you stood there consumed in lust
Li healed you and did what he must
Jade Fox shot him some nasty darts
That was the day he died...

And we were singing
Fly fly, go dragon girl fly,
Trash the masses on their asses,
But Love takes by surprise,
And you may not be prepared for sacrifice
If confronted with "What if you die?"
Confronted with "What if you die?"

It was too late for the antidote,
But Yu wanted you to take note
Always to yourself be true.
She had now set you up for Lo,
With whom she thought you still would go,
But you knew that it just simply wouldn't do.
And at the old bridge your thoughts ran,
For a moment back to the desert sands,
But right after Lo did speak.
You fell away in a streak.
For the man that you really loved most,
Was already drifting like a ghost,
You realized you loved Li the most,
And wish he wouldn't die...

And we were singing
Fall but soar above your fears,
Lo I say, remember for Jen
Please don't shed any tears,
For she's learnt to for love sacrifice
She doesn't care now even if she dies...
Doesn't care now even if she dies...

And we were singing
Fall but soar above your fears,
Lo I say, remember for Jen
Please don't shed any tears,
For she's learnt to for love sacrifice
She doesn't care now even if she dies!

You two have officially made my day.

I did this one a couple of years ago--

With Apologies to Harry Chapin:

A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to buy, and bribes to pay.
He learned to fight while I was away.
And he was lying 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the nuke’s in the silo and the hanging chad,
Little W and Saddam in Baghdad.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

Lil’ George turned ten just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the bomb, dad, come on let's play.
Can you teach me to bomb?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."

And the nuke’s in the silo and the hanging chad,
Little W and Saddam in Baghdad.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

Well, he came home from Yale just the other day,
Skull and bones pin and a beer in his face
"Son, I'm proud of you. Have you done your homework?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smirk,
"What I'd really like, dad, is to miss Vietnam.
Can you get me out? If not I’ll ask Mom.”

And the nuke’s in the silo and the hanging chad,
Little W and Saddam in Baghdad.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."

I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, there’s bombs to drop, and some bribes too
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you."

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
Lil’ George was just like me.

And the nuke’s in the silo and the hanging chad,
Little W and Saddam in Baghdad.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."

What an amazing coincidence that you're doing this today, because I've been meaning to contact you ever since you posted your verse addition to "Love me, Love me, Love me, I'm a liberal" by Phil Ochs on Under the Same Sun. I've been working on an updated version of "We Seek No Wider War," also by Ochs. I'm not as clever with words as you and your above commenters, but here's what I've come up with so far:
Over the sands rolled the tanks of the Willing’s invasion ....
Over the ruins of a land wracked by UN sanctions ....
Shouting their lies of weapons of mass destruction ....
Saying please don’t be absurd, it’s not a war for oil.

Inspectors were pulled out before they could finish their survey ....
Protests by millions ignored by hawks in a hurry ....
And the media polished their logos with bloodthirsty purring ....
Saying please be reassured, it’s not a war for oil.

Saddam was our boy ‘til he went and got kinda uppity ....
Then we marked him down for the Project for a New American Century ...
Now we’re there for weapons — no terror – no bringing democracy ...
But heavens, heavens no! It’s not about the oil!

Forget Abu Ghraib, that was only a few rotten apples ....
Look over here! We’re painting up some of their hospitals ...!
‘Course if the docs count up bodies, we might target them when the next bomb falls ...
But please be reassured, the oil will be secured.

If you guys insist on politics:

MR DONALD RUMSFELD
(to the tune of "Mr Tambourine Man" by Bob Dylan)

Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, end my tour for me,
I'm in Iraq and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, end my tour for me,
For all my fellow soldiers I’ve come questionin' you.

Though I know that Fallujah here has been turned into sand,
Vanished from the land,
Why do I sit here gettin’ no peaceful sleeping.
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet,
Just my MRE to eat,
And the terror-ridden streets are filled with screaming.

Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, get armor for me,
I'm getting shot at no matter where I'm going to,
Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, get armor for me,
With all my fellow soldiers we are questionin' you.

It was a year ago on his pilot ego trip,
Flags in the wind did whip, on the deck of that ship,
The President let slip, that major combat operations have ended.
And yet I can’t go anywhere, my memories of home fade
No victory parade, stop-loss orders came my way,
No way I could go over it.

Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, up my pay for me,
I’m already here and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, up my pay for me,
With all of my fellow soldiers I'll come questionin' you.

Though you might hear boomin’, exploding cars killing folks by the ton,
They are aimed at everyone, suicide bombers' on the run
And but for the Iraqi dead that we ain’t countin'.
And if you hear vague traces of war cries praising Allah,
Clearly Bush ain’t the Messiah, your head’s stuck up his behind,
You better start payin’ it your mind, cause the blood of innocents are flowin’ here like fountains.

Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, tell your plan for me,
I've lost my friends and I fear that I’ll soon be going too.
Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, tell your plan for me,
For all of my fellow soldiers I'll come questionin' you.

The war’s purpose is vanishing and I fear I’ve lost my mind,
WMDs we didn’t find, yet we lost those explosives,
The fanatics did seize, Osama’s beyond our reach,
And our spirits have all been leached into sorrow.
The people didn’t dance beneath the sky with both hands waving free,
And invite us for tea, instead it’s a hostile land,
With all goodwill turned to hate driven by the goofs we made,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, you’re the SecDef we’ve got?
I’m stuck in Iraq and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Donald Rumsfeld, you’re the SecDef we’ve got?
And for all my fellow soldiers that I’m questionin' you

John--That is the funniest thing I've read in so long.