or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
July 08, 2005
Two Funny Little Stories About The Democratic Party
I would like to tell two funny little stories about the Democratic party.
1. Some time ago, when computerized fonts were in their infancy, I received a letter from the National Democratic Party asking me to give them money. They utilized a trick I think used to be common in direct mail: when printing my address, they used a font that looked like handwriting, but also included a few computerized scribbled out letters. The idea, of course, was to fool recipients into opening the letter by making them think it had been hand addressed to them.
That has always summed up the Democratic Party to me. I would have preferred if they had simply sent me a letter saying this:
Dear Idiot,Give us your money. You are very stupid.
fuck you,
the Democratic Party
I actually might have contributed to people who were that honest.
2. I've been reading a new book by Norman Solomon called War Made Easy. Solomon points out something I'd forgotten: that the notorious "babies thrown from incubators" hearings in 1990 were co-sponsored by San Francisco Democratic congressman Tom Lantos.
Solomon quotes John Stauber:
Tom Lantos knew that the lying 15 year-old girl who claimed to have seen Iraqi soldiers kill 15 newborns by tossing them from their hospital incubators [in Kuwait] was in fact the daughter of the Kuwaiti ambassador to the U.S., a member of the royal family. Lantos kept her identity secret, and this PR scam became the defining event that convinced the U.S. Congress to support the war.
Again, I would have been happier if the hearings had gone like this:
Greetings, my fellow Americans. My name is Tom Lantos, and you are unbelievable morons.Saddam Hussein eats puppies. NUKE HIM. Dead! Cute! Puppies! [Pause] NUKE!
Right this second as I speak to you cretins, the Emir of Kuwait is giving me a very pleasurable handjob. I am Tom Lantos.
Why don't we have any politicians who will level with the American people like this?
Posted at July 8, 2005 08:04 PM | TrackBackI would level the people! Or rather, level with the people. I have only one major handicap to overcome: I like people. Not all the time and not all the people, but enough of them that I couldn't get groovy with snickering at them while they're miserable.
Posted by: Harry at July 8, 2005 08:19 PMJonathan: the reason why politicians won't level with the people is clear. Just look at the DEFINITION of politician:
politician \Pol`i*ti"cian\ n 1: an inclined surface or roadway.
Why won't politicians level? Simple: just as evil people have elaborate justifications to convince themselves they are not evil, morons do not believe themselves to be morons, and get all huffy if told they are. If a politician on a stage yelled out "Now all the morons raise your hands!" even the most simple-minded would be looking behind them ready to snicker at the dopes. After all, our elections are swayed by groups with names like Swift Boat Veterans for Justice (read: bitter old men who've hated Kerry for years), or Republicans for Clean Air (read: friends of W willing to lie and spend huge piles of dough to elect him). Eh?
Posted by: Alan at July 9, 2005 08:25 AM
