Bob Hope: Even Funnier At 4 Degrees Celsius

Dennis Perrin made me laugh quite hard with his announcement that the cryogenically-preserved remains of Bob Hope will soon be performing in Iraq:

Bob will have to stay in his freezer while onstage. And of course, Bob will remain unconscious. There's no way he could physically operate in that sub-zero environment. But despite these limitations, we've found a way to bring Bob's unique humor to a new generation of warriors!

Audio tapes of Bob's previous shows in Korea, Vietnam, the Dominican Republic and Saudi Arabia will be edited and revised by veteran gag writers Sol Manklebaum and Izzy Blitzstein to include topical references and fresh jokes, fleshed out with the vocal talents of master impressionist, Mr. Fred Travalena! Here are a few samples:

And fellas, just to give you a taste of what you're fighting for, I've brought along with me the beautiful and talented Miss [Jessica Simpson]! Grrrrowwllll! Yeah, [Jessica]'s a real classy lady! I've never seen a nicer [pair of Fallujas on a] gal!

Speaking of [car bombs], the other day I asked my cabbie the fastest way to [Paradise] and he said "Drive two miles straight ahead, take the first left, then [detonate a large amount of potassium chlorate]. You can't miss it."