"Heads On Pikes/Are Extra Nice/When Hoisted Twice"

I learn something new every day. This is easier than it may seem, given that most of the space in my brain is used to store the starting lineups of the 1979-85 Washington Redskins.

So, one thing I learned today is the gruesome history behind the pretty song "Loch Lohmond":

Oh, ye'll tak' the high road
and I'll tak' the low road
And I'll be in Scotland before ye

It seems so sweet, doesn't it? But it actually is about decapitated heads stuck on pikes.

I found this out via National Public Radio, which makes me rethink my zero tolerance policy toward them. Any publicly-funded institution that provides this type of information is ok with me.

According to NPR, the song is about the aftermath of the 18th century Jacobite Rebellion in Scotland against the British. The Jacobites were finally crushed at the Battle of Culloden on April 16, 1746, and the British took prisoners back to London. Their wives, girlfriends, etc. traveled there on the "low road"—ie, on public roads by foot—to witness the trials.

Of course, the Scottish prisoners were found guilty of treason and executed. To discourage other troublemakers, the British government decided to exhibit their decapitated heads on pikes in every town between London and Glasgow.

The heads got to travel back to Scotland by the "high road"—ie, traveling by carriage on fancier roads. Meanwhile, the families of the executed trudged back to Scotland by the low road.

Oh, ye'll tak' the high road
and I'll tak' the low road
And I'll be in Scotland before ye

I've been authorized to reveal that "Loch Lohmond" is but one of many tunes secretly about decapitated heads stuck on pikes. Here are just a few of the others:

• "Ooops! I Did It Again"
• "The Way We Were"
• "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)"
• "Won't You Be My Neighbor" by Mr. Rogers
• "Happy Birthday to You"