or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
August 11, 2005
George Bush Makes It Clear
Presidential news conference, March 6, 2003
Q What can you say tonight, sir, to the sons and the daughters of the Americans who served in Vietnam to assure them that you will not lead this country down a similar path in Iraq?THE PRESIDENT: That's a great question. Our mission is clear in Iraq. Should we have to go in, our mission is very clear: disarmament.... it's very clear what we intend to do. And our mission won't change. Our mission is precisely what I just stated.
Presidential address at Fort Bragg, June 28, 2005
THE PRESIDENT: Our mission in Iraq is clear. We're hunting down the terrorists. We're helping Iraqis build a free nation that is an ally in the war on terror. We're advancing freedom in the broader Middle East. We are removing a source of violence and instability, and laying the foundation of peace for our children and our grandchildren.
We can't be certain what exactly the mission is that's led to the deaths of Cindy Sheehan's son and 1,800 other U.S. soldiers and god knows how many Iraqis. But whatever the mission is, we do one thing about it for sure: it's clear.
Posted at August 11, 2005 01:07 AM | TrackBackI hate you, Jonathan Schwarz. I come here looking for goofiness to make me feel better about the fact that we're all going to die because of famine-induced drought thanks to global warming, and instead you give me an upset stomach by pointing out what a colossal asshole we have for a President. Thanks for nothing.
Posted by: saurabh at August 12, 2005 10:49 AMObviously I meant drought-induced famine.
Posted by: saurabh at August 12, 2005 10:50 AMOh my God Jon, that is totally the same non-answer I had to use when I worked for the Foreign Service in the US Embassy in Tunisia as a press officer. We were not supposed to answer the question "what is your policy regarding whether Jerusalem is the capital of Israel or not?" US official policy was that we had signed UN resolutions saying that Jerusalem was a final status issue, thus our Embassy was (and continues to be) in Tel Aviv. But because Congress was sabre rattling about it at the time (this was in 1993-94), we were NOT allowed to say this. We had to say, over and over again, "Our position is well-known and has not changed" but never say what that position was. I wanted to hint to the frustrated journalists, "Psst - go look up some 1967 Security Council resolutions" but I was not even allowed to do that. Now all can see why I made a lousy press spokeswoman and ended up resigning from the Foreign Service.
Posted by: Anna in Cairo at August 14, 2005 01:55 AMsaurabh,
Point taken. Our organization is pouring all our resources into (1) locating new sources of funniness and (2) using already-located sources more efficiently.
Anna,
That is an excellent story. Man, the poor humans of the U.S. Foreign Service. Do you have any friends who stayed in and managed not to go insane?
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at August 14, 2005 07:23 AM
