or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
August 14, 2005
We Must Protect Our Precious Creek-Based Fluids
Cindy Sheehan has been asking why her son died in Iraq. It's very simple:
Many Bush supporters say the president has little to gain politically by meeting with Sheehan. "I have no problem with what these people are doing here. This is America, and that's their right," said Elliott Mattlage, who owns the 300-acre cattle ranch next to the intersection where Camp Casey has taken shape.Wearing a "Bush-Cheney 2004" shirt, the retired 67-year-old said he worked for defense contractors for nearly 40 years. "I sympathize with anyone who's lost a child. But nobody asked this guy (Sheehan) to join the service," Mattlage said.
Then he pointed over a rise in his 50-head ranch. "If we don't stop these terrorists over there, then they're going to be right there in that creek."
Yes, this has been the plan of the Islamofascists since the beginning:
STEP ONE
Drive U.S. out of Middle East
STEP TWO
Reestablish Caliphate throughout Muslim world
STEP THREE
Attack a small creek on Elliot Mattlage's property in Crawford
STEP FOUR
Use creek as base of operations to conquer a sandbox on a playground in suburban Phoenix
STEP FIVE
VICTORY!!!!
A self-made defense contractor employee! I love it! There's no one with keener insight into the evils of Big Gubmint than lifelong employees of defense contractors. Except the directors and shareholders, of course. It's no wonder he supports the candidate who backs the little guy.
Jonathan, where is no cognition there can be no dissonance.
Posted by: Harry at August 14, 2005 08:33 AMI like the part where he asserts, "But nobody asked this guy [Sheehan] to join the service."
If he'd said "nobody forced this guy," I wouldn't quibble, since it's at least literally true, but nobody *asked*? That seems highly unlikely. I mean, I was asked to join the service multiple times, throughout high school, even though I never showed the slightest inclination toward doing so. So based on my experience I would say somebody, somewhere along the line, almost certainly "asked" Casey Sheehan to join up. And if not, that might explain why our military is having such trouble filling its new-recruit quotas -- they've stopped recruiting altogether!
Posted by: inkywretch at August 14, 2005 09:03 AMLarry Mattledge has been "dove" hunting today. Texas doesn't have laws against hunting on Sunday like Christian states like Maine do?
http://198.65.14.85/News/2005/31-40/32news2.htm
Yes, the conquering of the cattle ranch plays a very prominent role in Islam, how does it go?... oh yeah, here's that email:
"Quran (9:11) -- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced, for they had rich government military pork-laden contracting jobs with which to pay the bills and buy huge tracts of land; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace, sort of, even with gas at $3.00/gallon."
Okay, I need coffee.
Posted by: Jeff at August 15, 2005 07:42 AMI love how "Support the Troops" can easily morph into "The Troops Knew What They Were Getting Into When They Signed Up" when it suits the sophistic purposes of some right-wing gentleman (cough) such as Mr. Mattlage.
Posted by: Church Secretary at August 15, 2005 01:38 PMChurch, yeah that is an insiteful observation. Wars always seem to be full of irony.
As far as this stuff about "fight them there or fight them here" goes its amazing that the major rational for the last big war, which turned out to be completely wrong, can be used all over again and a significant number of people fall for it. I mean really, have they even shown one tape of Bin Laden or anyone else saying they want to take over the U.S.? Of course not - they just want the US the hell out of their countries. But I'm sure after some tens of thousands of soldiers getting killed in Iraq some of the U.S.'s fearless leaders will figure out the insurgents never did plan to fight all the way to Texas.
Does anyone else get the feeling we've seen this movie before? God I hate re-runs.
Posted by: ow at August 15, 2005 07:18 PM"I sympathize with anyone who's lost a child."
Are you sending children to Iraq now?
Interesting that Mattlage then invests this "child" with full adult responsibility in the next sentence.
Which is it?
Posted by: alexis S at August 16, 2005 09:02 AMThere is a stunning amount of cognitive dissonance in saying
"Nobody asked this guy to join the service"
and then in the VERY NEXT BREATH saying that terrorists would invade his creek if not for all those guys joining the service and stopping it.
How fucking stupid is this guy?
