or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
September 27, 2005
New Slogans For The Democratic Party
Earlier I wondered who knew which U.S. President's family fortune came from selling opium. This is a shard of information that was unknown to me until 2002, so I was curious how widely it's known.
The answer I was looking for was Franklin D. Roosevelt, although I may have been wrong about there being just ONE president whose money was opium-based. In any case, thanks to Bob of Bob's Links and Rants for being the first person to chime in with FDR. But don't take our word for it; just ask the National Park Service:
Sara Delano Roosevelt [FDR's mother] was the daughter of Warren Delano, a wealthy merchant who made a fortune in the tea and opium trade in China...
Thisâ€â€combined with Joseph Kennedy's enthusiastic business dealings with bootleggers during prohibitionâ€â€has always made me think the Democratic party should come up with some new slogans. For instance:
"The Democratic Party: All Our Best Guys are the Children of Druglords.""The Democrats: Blood Money FOR THE PEOPLE."
Other suggestions welcome.
UPDATE: The comments are significantly funnier than the post.
Posted at September 27, 2005 11:42 AM | TrackBackWhy would anyone want to besmirch honest druglords by associating them with Democrats?! That aside, I can't resist a slogan contest.
The Democratic Party: Full four finger zees -- for your future.
The Democratic Party: We don't step on the shit -- any shit.
The Democratic Party: Fat bags, clean spoons and investment in the best public works.
Posted by: Harry at September 27, 2005 12:59 PM"Democrats: Pot in every chicken"
"Democrats: The New Dealers"
"Wild crazy far-out happy days are here again"
"From Shanghai to Mena, and places in between-a: Democrats--for a higher America"
"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."
The Democratic Party: We're here, we're becoming rapidly irrelevant, get used to it.
The Democratic Party: Rapidly following the Whigs into oblivion.
The Democratic Party: We're not the Racist Party anymore, but we are useless.
The Democratic Party: We love the Middle of the Road, because it's a great place to get run over by a steamroller.
The Democrats: Near Death, But Still Running
The Democrats: As If Anything We Do Matters
The Democrats: We Backed Osama Before Osama Was Cool
The Democrats: Maybe Jim Crow Wasn't All That Bad
Posted by: kyle santo at September 27, 2005 02:52 PMKyle, if that's Mondale, I'd really like to meet his mortician, his reanimator and his hairdresser. He's one swift looking zombie.
Posted by: Harry at September 27, 2005 06:12 PMChill guys,
If the law was an ass to begin with, it makes it only groovier to break it. I personally thought prohibition was one of the most asinine things to ever happen in the US...
Posted by: En Ming Hee at September 27, 2005 11:05 PMAnd my final slogan.
The Democrats: Long live the party of the Epicurean Bacchanals.
Posted by: En Ming Hee at September 27, 2005 11:08 PMThe Democratic Party: We're waiting for the man.
Posted by: Brian at September 27, 2005 11:41 PMWe're the Democratic Party. No, we're the Democratic Party. You shut up. No, you shut up.
Posted by: Maud at September 28, 2005 01:11 AMThe Democratic Party- We're here, we're there but, are we anywhere?
Posted by: Don Nash at September 28, 2005 10:03 AMWell, here's my shots:
The Democratic Party: Yes! No! What was the question?
The Democratic Party: Nearly 1 out of 2 voters agree: We're the best!
The Democratic Party: We need your pity votes.
I'm unhappy that everyone here is funnier than me.
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at September 28, 2005 03:06 PMNearly 1 out of every 2 commenters agree…
Posted by: mk at September 28, 2005 09:28 PMThe Democratic Party: The Real Robin Hood (We take from everybody and give to the poor)
Posted by: Nikhil Mulani at September 29, 2005 06:38 AMIf only, Nikhil. If only.
Posted by: Sully at September 29, 2005 12:19 PMHarry:
Your willful and flagrant use of facts has been noted. Consider this your first and only warning.
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at September 29, 2005 01:52 PMPlease don't throw me in the briar patch! Oh, please don't do that, Jonathan.
:'-(
Posted by: Harry at September 29, 2005 02:15 PMThey're not really that odd, for Democrats. They're pretty mainstream, they're all running for president...
Get used to it!
Crying to follow.
Posted by: Sully at September 29, 2005 08:38 PMDemocrats: Together, we can become France
Posted by: Tom Gumprecht, M.D. at October 30, 2005 09:29 PM
