or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
November 07, 2005
They Only Understand Force
Last year, Seymour Hersh reported that much of the Bush administration believes "Arabs only understand force." More recently, in the famous New Yorker article about Brent Scowcroft, Scowcroft explained that Dick Cheney feels "one of the things you've got to do to Arabs is hit them between the eyes with a big stick."
Fair enough. We all know Arabs are crazed lunatics who are incapable of listening to reason. But...are they the only people on earth who only understand force? We have many enemies, and need to be careful we don't overlook any of them.
Fortunately, using Google, we can search for and locate everyone who only understands force. In an effort to protect our people, I've done just that. These dangerous maniacs are listed below.
1. Adolf Hitler
2. Al Qaeda
3. Americans
4. Three fifths of [Americans]
5. Angloamericans
6. Arabs
7. The Arab mind
8. Arab society
9. The Arab World
10. Arabs and Muslims
11. An Arab... like his donkey
12. Arafat's Al-Aksa Brigades
13. Both sides
14. The Bush administration
15. Chechens
16. The Chechens... mere savages
17. The Chinese
18. The Chinese government
19. Red China
20. Communist governments
21. Darl McBride and Ralph Yarro
22. Europe
23. Evil
24. The government
25. Hamas
26. The Haredim
27. The ignorant, starving peasants [of Haiti]
28. Iraq under Saddam Hussein
29. Although it sounds harshâ€â€Âthe Iraqis
30. Ishmaelites
31. Islamic Jihad
32. Israelis
33. The Israeli enemy
34. The Israeli government
35. Israel's decision makers
36. The imperialists
37. The Jews
38. Not just the Arabs...even Jews, even other Likudniks
39. Khartoum
40. Lenin, Stalin, Tojo, Franco, Mussolini, Pol Pot, Osama Bin Laden, etc etc.
41. Milosevic and his kind
42. Muslim and Arab terrorists and thugs
43. North Korea
44. Our enemies
45. The Pakistani military
46. The Palestinians
47. People
48. The people [in the Balkens]
49. The people of Israel
50. Petty dictators in that part of the world
51. The ragheads running around Fallujah
52. Radical killers and the countries backing them
53. Saddam Hussein
54. The Serbs
55. THESE [Serbian] BARBARIANS
56. Seven different TRIBES who's families have obtained a Nation State status and are seen in Saudi Araberia (Saudi family), Jordan, Asseriya, et. Al� the familiy nation states and their lackies
57. The Soviets
58. Syria
59. Terrorists
60. Terrorists and the countries who support terrorism
61. Thugs
62. Today's enemy
63. The U.S.
64. Whoever says... "They only understand force"
65. The world
66. Your [computer system's] users
67. Zionist thugs
When colonial officials were pondering what to do with the uppity natives, there would always be a 'civilised' native ready to assure his imperial masters that 'we' only understand force.
Posted by: Gag Halfrunt at November 7, 2005 09:19 AMBrilliant post, by the way.
Posted by: Gag Halfrunt at November 7, 2005 09:19 AMSo what's to understand about force? You get hit between the eyes by a big stick; you wake up some time later with a broken nose and a terrible headache; you have an extreme feeling of dislike for the person who hit you. Where's the understanding?
Posted by: jonj at November 7, 2005 11:04 AMMaybe juandos will come and explain it to us. Hopefully, not literally.
Posted by: Sully at November 7, 2005 11:25 AMYou forgot Darth Vader.
The Frenchies escaped the list?
After we had to rename Freedom Fries in order to escape their pernicious influence?
I am strongly in favour of using poisoned gas against uncivilised tribes. Winston Churchill
In the context of the British air strikes against the Kurds and Iraqis in 1920.
Posted by: floopmeister at November 7, 2005 06:25 PMWill comments work, after being broken for so very long?
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at November 9, 2005 07:53 PMLes commentaires fonctionneront-ils ? Pourquoi ne pas se concentrer sur la démocratie, mes amis transatlantiques de poids excessif ? J'ai été malheureux puisque j'ai appris votre langue païenne. Blâmer les Français est Américain idiot pour "nous a erré phemonenally."And "influence pernicieuse" ? Pouvez vous traduire "le pantalon carré de Bob d'éponge?" Les enfants des enfants de mes enfants souffriront votre télévision infernale pendant des années pour venir !
Posted by: Monsieur Sullivan at November 9, 2005 08:12 PMYES!!!!!!
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at November 9, 2005 08:16 PMOui !!!!!!
Posted by: Monsieur at November 10, 2005 08:46 AMI don't even understand force. I got stymied at love.
Posted by: Dick Durata at November 13, 2005 12:27 AMThe poisoned gas in question being tear gas.
