or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
February 06, 2006
Great Moments In Naval Attache History
So, the Venezuelan government threw out the U.S. naval attache last week. Venezuela claimed he was "passing secret information from the Venezuelan military to the Pentagon."
You may be wondering: is this plausible, particularly given the 2002 Venezuelan coup attempt? Or is it further evidence Chavez is a frothing freedom-hating paranoid schizophrenic powermad thumbbiting Hitlerian bedwetter? Like ALL politicians who oppose the U.S. government?
For some context, let's take a look at a previous U.S. naval attache named Lt. Col. Patrick Ryan.
Ryan was stationed in Chile when the U.S. overthrew the Allende government on September 11, 1973. He sent a situation report on what had happened back to the U.S. on October 1, and thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, you can now read it yourself.
As you'll see, Ryan is wildly enthusiastic about the coup, calling September 11 "our D-Day" and the coup itself "close to perfect." While he writes (perhaps honestly) as though he didn't know specifics about the coup beforehand, he is alerted early that morning by a "very close friend" who is a "retired [Chilean] marine officer" and "one of the key local planners in the coup..."
Now, if there were any such thing as history, we could conclude there may be something to the Venezuelan government's claims...and at the very least, they're not simply paranoid.
Fortunately, history does not exist. Therefore, we know the Venezuelans are crazy swarthy nutjobs whose ravings can be safely ignored.
Posted at February 6, 2006 09:49 PM | TrackBack..."September 11 is our D-Day..."?
The irony is remarkable.
Posted by: floopmeister at February 6, 2006 11:14 PMFor some context, let's take a look at a previous U.S. naval attache named Lt. Col. Patrick Ryan.
more and more this sounds like a watered down Tom Clancy novel...and that's like saying watered down utah beer.
Posted by: almostinfamous at February 7, 2006 05:48 AM"Crazy swarthy nutjobs..."
Swarthy? Sounds like you have renegade adjectival elements, Jon.
And that's even worse than spam.
Posted by: Sully at February 7, 2006 12:10 PMNothing renegade about them elements. All us latinos are swarthy, if not by genetic disposition, then by a correct exercise of free choice. We are ever seeking to improve on our built-in sun tan, so to speak. Sr. Jonathan stands as a keen observer of the obvious.
As for the light col., who surely must be a marine, as a one time sailor I can only say "anchors a-thud."
Posted by: Jesus B. Ochoa at February 8, 2006 09:59 AMLt Colonel Chávez said that the U.S. naval attache, and some other U.S. embassy's staff, were having meetings with some army officials at some "Areperas" (restaurants where you can eat our popular "arepas", a sort of corn "bread") in Caracas... Do you think these people would be so stupid as to be seen in public for hundreds of people meeting with these guys?
The problem is that Chàvez thinks that most of us Venezuelans are stupid
When somebody says "the US organized a coup blah blah blah" it usually just means one or more reps of the US made it clear to certain persons that a coup would be welcomed by the US, and maybe somebody gave somebody else a suitcase of US dollars to throw around. Wilbur Eveland's failed effort in Syria in 1956 didn't involve much more than that (and was only derailed, by his own account, because Israel decided to invade Egypt a few days before the coup was to be executed), and so far as I know Kermit Roosevelt was only a bit more personally engaged in making the requisite down payments on the plot. The naval attache just needs a bagman.
Posted by: buermann at February 10, 2006 09:57 AM
