Other Things Al Qaeda Forgets

As Attorney General Gonzales pointed out yesterday, if the media didn't talk about it all the time, Al Qaeda would forget we were monitoring them:

GONZALES: I think, based on my experience, it is true -- you would assume that the enemy is presuming that we are engaged in some kind of surveillance.

But if they're not reminded about it all the time in the newspapers and in stories, they sometimes forget.

Indeed, one of our greatest strengths in the War on Terror has been the inherent forgetfulness of our enemy. Or at least, it WOULD be a strength—if the god damn media weren't always reminding them of stuff. Here are some other examples:

1. Al Qaeda sometimes forgets we're mad at them

President Bush has sent numerous cards to Osama bin Laden, saying they're best friends and inviting bin Laden to brunch at the White House. On several occasions bin Laden was about to accept. Then the media reminded him we were actually mad at him, and he realized it was a trick!

2. Al Qaeda sometimes forgets to use bombs

Once Al Qaeda was planning an operation where several crack operatives were going to—with no warning whatsoever—give thousands of American children a delicious Fig Newton. Then the media reminded them that they specialize in blowing things up, and they called it off.

3. Al Qaeda sometimes forgets to eat food

For four days in July, 2004, every member of Al Qaeda forgot to eat. They were getting dizzy and irritable, and eventually would have all starved to death. But the media reminded them they must eat to live, and they all went out for a big steak dinner!!!