Libby To Receive Valuable Advice On Gutting And Eating Dogs

Recently I wondered what exactly Fred Malek is doing on Scooter Libby's "Advisory Committee." Why would Libby want someone notorious for carrying out some of the Nixon administration's most heinous activities (including Jew counting, ordering FBI investigations of journalists, and being chief architect of the highly illegal "responsiveness program")?

Now the answer is clear -- while Malek did do those unpleasant things, they are outweighed by his positive attributes; specifically, his experience in killing, gutting, and eating dogs:

On a Friday in August 1959, five men in their twenties were arrested about 2 a.m...

After checking the blood-spattered pants of one of the men at the state crime laboratory in Springfield, it was determined that the stains were animal and not human blood. [Sherriff Harry] Backes said the men then changed their story and said they had "caught a dog and were barbecuing it."

Police then found the skinned animal on a spit in the park. The insides of the dog had been removed, and a bottle of liquor was found on a nearby park table. Backes said the men told him they had been drinking earlier in the evening at a West Bluff tavern.

One of the men arrested in the incident, in which a dog was killed, skinned, gutted and barbecued on a spit, was Frederick V. Malek, 22, of Berwyn, Ill.

You can understand why Libby would spot this on Malek's resume and think: I want this guy on my team! If I understand the issue correctly, psychologists believe there's a high correlation between torturing animals and later defending unjustly persecuted government officials.

That's right, isn't it? I think the classic example is Jeffrey Dahmer.

ALSO: I'm pleased to see Malek's present day explanation --

...I spoke with Malek by phone yesterday. He said he and O'Meara went to Peoria in the summer of '59 to visit friends at Bradley University. They got drunk out of their minds at the time. He said he didn't know why O'Meara had killed the dog, that he was not a participant and that he was in no position to stop it.

-- tracks very closely with Stephen Colbert's account of why he killed and ate a panda:

In my own defense, Jon, it was dark, I was drunk, and it was delicious.