or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
July 05, 2006
"You May Now Pity My Husband"
Funniest Mimi Smartypants ever?
Nora appears at my bedside at 1:30 in the morning, stage-whispering "Mommy" over and over again and scaring me half to death because she is not so much a get-out-of-bed kid as she is a lie-there-and-yell-for-assistance kid. What could the problem be? "I have to go potty," she whispers dramatically. She has to go potty. She got out of bed and walked past two toilets in order to tell me this.Me: Uhhhh great, then go. That's why you are a big girl with a big-girl bed.
Nora: Do you want to keep me company?
Me: Not really!
Nora: Okay. I will come back and tell you how it went.
Me [some noise that roughly translates to oh my fucking god]
Previously on Mimi Smartypants:
Nora: Mommy.Posted at July 5, 2006 04:09 PM | TrackBack
Me: Yes?
[long pause.]
Nora: Mommy.
Me: What is it?
Nora [not crying, but really close, with the chin-wobble and shiny eyes]: I don't want a brain.
Me: Huh?
Nora [crying now]: I DON'T WANT A BRAIN.
Me [confused, hugging her]: Well, um, it's kind of too late. You have a brain. Everyone has a brain. A brain helps you ______ [yadda yadda].
Nora: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Nora probably realizes that her chances for high public office are basically shot now.
Posted by: Adam Kotsko at July 5, 2006 05:03 PMARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!
No way, Adam. If we judge her according to the current "leadership" of this country, all she has to do is:
a) Get REALLLY drunk and snort lots of cocaine for many of her teenage and college years
b) If asked to serve her country, find "something more important" to do.
c) NOT read newspapers, magazines, or watch TV - unless it's FAUX News
d) Find out what "doing wrong" and "being an asshole" would be in every situation. Then become that.
e) Learn the ins and outs of white-collar corporate crime
f) Have her parents secure her a spot in a high government office.
If she follows all these rules, even if she WAS born with a brian, by the time she gets to an important post like President, Vice-President, or Puppet-master/Special Advisor to the President, she'll be acting like she never had that pesky brain at ALL!
:-D
-Cheers!
Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating a Christmas pie;
He put in his thumb,
And pulled out a plum,
And cried "What a good boy am I!"
That thar is a funny blawg.
Posted by: BRG at July 6, 2006 08:10 AMDamn you Jonathan, how am I supposed to get work done with time sinks like that. . .
Posted by: Saheli at July 11, 2006 03:29 AMThe kid's a born Republican.
Posted by: DBK at July 11, 2006 10:31 AM
