or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
September 24, 2006
Democrats' Ineptitude Harshly Criticized by Washington Generals
The Republican Party may be run by loathsome, contemptible hatemongers who cynically manipulate America's basest instincts, but you've got to give them this: they do good work. By contrast, the Democrats seem to be led by people who couldn't successfully organize an elementary school bake sale.
For instance, take this appearance by Bush on CNN today:
BLITZER: Let's move on and talk a little bit about Iraq. Because this is a huge, huge issue, as you know, for the American public, a lot of concern that perhaps they are on the verge of a civil war...BUSH: Yes, you see  you see it on TV, and that's the power of an enemy that is willing to kill innocent people. But there's also an unbelievable will and resiliency by the Iraqi people… Admittedly, it seems like a decade ago. I like to tell people when the final history is written on Iraq, it will look like just a comma because there is  my point is, there's a strong will for democracy.
If Democrats were like Republicans, there would be ads like this running in all fifty states by noon tomorrow:
[sad piano music]
[holding picture of son in uniform]
This is my son James.
CUT TO:
I like to tell people when the final history is written on Iraq...
CUT TO:
James was killed in Iraq last year.
CUT TO:
...it will look like just a comma.
CUT TO:
My son was not a comma. He had a wife and a son and parents who loved him.
CUT TO:
[at Correspondents Dinner]
Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be here somewhere!
[audience laughs]
CUT TO:
Now James is dead because of a war based on lies.
CUT TO:
[at Correspondents Dinner]
No, no weapons over there!
[audience laughs]
CUT TO:
A war that's made all of President Bush's corrupt buddies rich.
SUPER: Headlinesâ€â€Â"Halliburton gets billions in contracts," "Lockheed CEO payout in millions"
Please vote this November, and send George Bush a message.
CUT TO:
Mr. President, in your speeches now you rarely talk or mention Osama bin Laden.
BUSH:
I truly am not that concerned about him.
SUPER: "Vote to send a message. Vote for change. Vote Democratic."
Meanwhile, on whatever the Democratic equivalent of Fox News would be, there would already be splashy graphics and theme music for "Comma-gate." It would be the sole topic of conversation on the channel for the next month, with the Democratic Chris Wallace mournfully asking guests "Should the president resign?"
Fortunately for Bush, however, he is up against actually-existing Democrats, who will get themselves organized to the point that Barney Frank will mention this once in an interview on a 300-watt radio station in Louisville.
Posted at September 24, 2006 06:53 PM | TrackBackThe proof is in the pudding and the democrats lost an election that they should have one easily, I am talking about the last presidential election of course. I recall the democrat convention and listening to John Kerry who resembles Herman Munster discuss how he ran down a Vietnamese soldier and then shot him in the back. My mind reeled; this cannot be happening I thought, why in the name of Jesus H. Christ is Kerry flushing the election down the toilet?
Yeah, yeah, I know the republicans cheated, rigged voting machines and threw absentee ballots into the ocean, however this kind of thing only works in a close election and it never should have been a close election. I am not even sure it matters much anymore who gets elected since they all work for the same corporate giants.
In case you are not old enough to know who or what Herman Munster is, go here.
http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/u/4/kerry_munster_separated.jpg
I've come to the conclusion that the Democrats are the Washington Generals. The role of the Generals isn't to win -- it's to pretend to compete and lose gracefully.
The fact is that when you see incompetence on this scale, it's usually because the declared motivation isn't the real motivation. (Much of the "incompetence" we see in New Orleans and Iraq is a result of Republican leaders wanting to create a slush fund for their party and their friends. Little or no rebuilding is intended.)
The Democrats have done nothing to stop torture or the war in Iraq or the coming war with Iran. Whose to say that they really disagree with the Republicans on these issues?
No chance of that of course, but I would also dig out some quote from Stalin or Pol Pot explaining how great life will be just as soon and all vicious class enemies are eliminated.
Posted by: abb1 at September 25, 2006 02:03 AMI'm sure Bush intended to say "asterisk" but realized mid-sentence he couldn't pronounce it.
"If Democrats were like Republicans, there would be ads like this running in all fifty states by noon tomorrow:"
If Democrats were like Republicans they could AFFORD to run ads in all fifty states.
Posted by: Maezeppa at September 25, 2006 09:49 AMAs cynical as it may be, can't the Dems get their own Rovian/Lutzian Lothario who wants to seduce the public? As demonstrated here, the needed materials have been provided in abundance.
Posted by: Seen and Heard at September 25, 2006 11:50 AMHell, who even needs the 'comma' remark? The ad you propose should have been prepared and be running with any of the many lame Bush soundbites on Iraq.
Posted by: Nell at September 25, 2006 04:05 PMThey don't need money. Put an ad together and put it up on YouTube. It's called viral marketing. Send it out over the Internet. Get the press to cover it the way they wall-papered the Swift Boat ads.
Posted by: Mister Go at September 25, 2006 05:28 PMWhat Bush meant to say is that once he gets us into Iran, what's happened in Iraq thus far will look like a comma.
Posted by: Lloyd at September 25, 2006 10:03 PMIf I was sitting -- oh who's kidding who? -- laying on my couch and that commercial came on I would be so filled with equal parts astonishment that the D's actually did it and pure unadulterated joy that they had done so I would probably float off said couch.
Posted by: Mike Shannon at September 26, 2006 02:23 PMLove the Herman Munster comment. That really shows a whole lot of insight into how Democrats need to make sure their candidates are of average height, and the beady-eyed scion of past presidents.
As to "If Democrats were like Republicans, there would be ads like this running in all fifty states by noon tomorrow", IF DEMOCRATS WERE LIKE REPUBLICANS THEY'D HAVE ALREADY STOLEN THE MONEY TO RUN ALL THE ADS THEY PLEASE.
Um, if Democrats were like the real, normal Republicans in the cities, towns, counties and neighborhoods across America they would be in touch with what the average, middle-class, taxpaying, base-of-society, American person wants and needs; instead of foaming at the mouth while trying to portray all conservatives as zombie-eyed followers of Rove and Bush.
Posted by: Chris W at September 28, 2006 07:24 AM"...trying to portray all conservatives as zombie-eyed followers of Rove and Bush."
If it wasn't for the fact that 51 Senators just decided to spit on the graves of the Founders and make the use of torture mandatory by soliders and intelligence agents in the field, this would make sense.
Meanwhile, alas, that is indeed what just happened. (You'd think a self-proclaimed "faith-based" Administration would be clear enough on the Golden Rule to realize just how un-Christian such a policy is. But there you go.)
Anyway... My point is, if you want people to stop *calling* Republicans, "zombie-eyed followers of Rove and Bush," the first thing to do is to get them to stop *acting* like zombie-eyed followers of Rove and Bush.
Otherwise, at best you come off as naive, and you're showing far more loyalty to the SOBs in the White House than they would *ever* show to you. Admirbale, in some ways, but what a waste of your well-intentioned good faith.
At worst, you come off like a shill.
Posted by: Hal O'Brien at September 28, 2006 06:29 PMhate to quibble, but generally speaking, the dems are better at fundraising than the republicans. their problems are not for lack of money.
Posted by: hedgehog at September 28, 2006 07:10 PM
