You may only read this site if you've purchased Our Kampf from Amazon or Powell's or me
• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

October 24, 2006

I Can Predict The Future

Now that I've gotten the whole whale walrus penis bone story off my chest, I have two predictions to make:

1. If sometime in the future there's a huge terrorist attack in the U.S. by people claiming they're doing it for revenge for the invasion of Iraq, many American politicians and pundits will say they actually did it because they hate freedom and democracy.

2. Every single one of these politicians and pundits—with no exceptions at all—will have either ignored or dismissed the recent Johns Hopkins study estimating 650,000 Iraqis have died due to the invasion.

Boy, will it be fun to be proven right about this! Except for the thousands of dead Americans part!

Posted at October 24, 2006 05:55 PM | TrackBack
Comments

You silly boy. Of course US foreign policy has nothing to do with terrorism.

Terrorists only attack because they hate KFC, McDonalds, Pepsi Cola and baseball.

Posted by: SPIIDERWEB™ at October 24, 2006 06:43 PM

I am glad to see you up and running and back to your old self Jonathan.

I can predict the future as well. When retribution comes the people that created this situation will come away unscathed as will their ill-gotten gains. As for everyone else...

Posted by: rob payne at October 24, 2006 08:04 PM

I can make predictions as well.

Spiderweb will call the Feds and have me arrested because I hate KFC, Pepsi, McDonalds and pussball...I mean, baseball! I will fail that old reliable anti-American test question 'Who won the World Series last year?' by answering 'Who gives a rat's ass this or any year?'

While illegally incarcerated...I mean, erroneously renditioned, I will be sodomized with a walrus penis bone then given a double contrast barium enema by Annie Coulter who will supply the hot gas from one of her lengthy NeoCon diatribes!

This has been my recurring nightmare and I can no longer sleep because I'm tired of seeing Annie's face! It's literally killing me! On my deathbed, I will paraphase Pete Townsend: "I hope I die because I got old!"

Posted by: JLaR at October 25, 2006 05:37 AM

If Johns Hopkins did a study counting the casualties to our freedom and democracy over the past five years, the pundits would ignore that too, especially if the terrorists claim they attacked us because of our lack of freedom and democracy.

Posted by: Bob at October 25, 2006 07:30 AM

"Except for the thousands of dead Americans part!"


If it weren't for that part, and the much more numerous hundreds of thousands of dead PEOPLE part, the whole damn thing would be screamingly funny - like in, dying of hunger because you can't stop laughing funny. The Cheney bunch would be a terrific commedy if they only thought they were doing what they were doing, instead of actually doing it.


Now the fact that the American people have let them do what they do is very sad, like in cry-yourself-to-death sad.

Posted by: Susan at October 25, 2006 08:33 AM

Walrus, not whale.

You're overcompensating, man.

Posted by: Sully at October 25, 2006 10:25 AM

Sully, thank you.

NOW, FOR THE WHALE PENIS BONE STORY(IES)!!!!

Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at October 25, 2006 10:37 AM

Hi Jonathan S-

I have figured out, for now, how to read ATR:
I just have to wait a day or 2, and the current post appears. For example, this is the most current post that I can see. When I go to "My Optimism About This Site Is Ebbing A Little" I get a blank white screen, taunting me.

I wish I knew some super-expert things to advise you what to do. Maybe is Christopher Hitchens's fault. Maybe he resents your disparaging Kissinger, having decided that's his exclusive turf. I guess I have a couple of days wait to figure out some rock-solid, really clever rationale by which to blame him.

Posted by: Jonathan Versen at October 26, 2006 06:15 AM