or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
December 24, 2006
It's Me-Calling-You Eve
First, happy birthday to I.F. Stone, who would be 99 years old today.
Second, I will be placing lots of calls tomorrow to future recipients of Our Kampf. (And there's still time to add your name to the list!)
Just to give you a heads up, I have numerous bizarre fixations, and have a tendency to start talking about them given the least opening. For instance:
• the perfidy of the metric system
• my belief that my gall bladder is filled with communist insurgents
• why all federal holidays should be combined into one 10-day long Omnibus vacation called "The Festival of Slurk"
• I may be a Siamese demi-twin
• The moon landing was staged...ON MARS
Believe me, if I only mention two or three of these you should count yourself lucky.
Posted at December 24, 2006 07:06 PM | TrackBackOK--So a two-by-four isn't two anything by four anything, BUT the length of boards is always expressed in even numbers of feet, plywood is made and sold in 4ft X 8ft sheets (as well as drywall), a standard door is 6ft 8in tall, roofing is measured in "squares" which are 10ft squared, studs (& joists) are spaced 16 inches on center, et cetera--point being that a conversion wouldn't simply be to begin measuring things differently, but our standards would change (or be really awkward quantities).
I LOVE the metric system for stuff like Chemistry and Physics, but layering it over our existing standards for building materials would be a freakin' mess.
Aint gonna happen. . .
Posted by: rubberband at December 24, 2006 08:53 PMWhen one looks into its historical origins, it becomes clear the metric system represents the triumph of intellect over lived experience - and as such is certainly NOT appropriate for the building trades, as rubberband so perspicaciously points out.
And not in the kitchen, either.
Posted by: mistah charley at December 26, 2006 07:57 AMThe You-Calling-Me went off well.
The person you called gave rave reviews to the entire premise. Didn't know who the hell you were, but it was much more pleasant than the typical Christmas family rollup call.
Posted by: Ted Pan at December 26, 2006 12:26 PMI've seen some American buildings fall down, having lived here for over 30 years. However I've never seen a European building fall down, not even after the tourists have left.
If we made America metric Lambeau field would be allowed to keep its yards, and that's all that really matters. Fancy new stadiums named after cell phone companies and bigbox retailers and whatnot would have to be metric. That's only fair.
Posted by: Jonathan Versen at December 26, 2006 03:23 PMYou see, the problem is, in a standard metric building, the doors are one-tenth the height from the floor to the ceiling (that is, 10 decidoors = .0001 kiloceilings). This works fine in Europe, where domestic ceilings are typically 20 meters (approximately 3 and a half rods).
In America, however, the standard suburban ranch house has ceilings measuring 1 fathom + 1 cubit tall, which means doors would need to be cut down to 2 hands plus seven barleycorns. You couldn't fit a Barbie™ through that.
Posted by: HP at December 26, 2006 09:56 PMSaw a quip that calling what America uses the Imperial system is more appropriate all the time.
Posted by: opit at December 26, 2006 11:21 PM
