or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
April 16, 2007
Sonster's Spandex
Google has locked Dennis out of Blogger. So I'm posting this for him here until they let him back into his blurrf home. As you'll see, it's like the Harper's Index...sort of.
Percentage of Americans who can't spell "Iraq" even if it's spelled out on paper for them: 23
Percentage of Americans who can't spell "Iraq" even if they've been given a CD that tells them in a very slow and deliberate manner how to spell "Iraq" over and over again, and they have a week to listen to the CD: 17
Percentage of Americans who think that beheading is a form of oral sex: 29
Estimated percentage of Americans who masturbate while operating heavy machinery: 37
Number of cow assholes in every can of beef vegetable soup: 2
Number of human assholes at a Tim McGraw concert: 3,577
Percentage of liberal bloggers who would actually eat shit if the Democratic Party asked them to for the sake of winning elections: 42
Percentage of conservative bloggers who would fellate a syphilitic chimpanzee if it would make more people respect the American flag: 66
Number of rodeo clowns who reported having "anger management" problems in 1983: 19
Number in 2002: 51
Chance that a person will encounter a leprechaun while digging for worms: 1 in 2,892,673
Chance that a person will encounter Paris Hilton while having anonymous sex: 1 in 5
Average monthly cost to keep from learning anything new: $73
Estimated annual cost of not knowing how much it costs per month to keep from learning anything new: $347
Number of Americans who reported being raped by an angel in 2004: 482
Number of angels who denied raping Americans in 2004: 271
Number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop: 3
is 73 bucks Dennis's cable bill?
Posted by: Jonathan Versen at April 16, 2007 05:04 PMCome on now. Three licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop? That's some serious licking. I couldn't do it.
Well, maybe on acid, but I don't do that shit anymore.
Posted by: SPIIDERWEB™ at April 16, 2007 08:05 PMHey, don’t leave out the UFOs, 45 percent of Americans believe in UFOs. Keep looking up, keep watching the skies.
Posted by: rob payne at April 16, 2007 08:36 PMwhat happened to Dennis Perrin's blog? Was the last post too much for Google? The same information is readily available on the Net.
Good site. Thank you!!!
