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"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
June 04, 2007
Dear God Almighty I Hate Hillary Clinton
I didn't watch the debate last night, because I was too busy painting a confederate flag on the shell of my box turtle. (Don't ask.) But I'm reading the transcript, and it certainly makes me despise Hillary Clinton even more:
BLITZER: Senator Clinton, do you agree with Senator Edwards that this war on terror is nothing more than a bumper sticker; at least the way it's been described?SEN. HILLARY CLINTON (D) NEW YORK: No, I do not. I am a senator from New York. I have lived with the aftermath of 9/11, and I have seen firsthand the terrible damage that can be inflicted on our country by a small band of terrorists who are intent upon foisting their way of life and using suicide bombers and suicidal people to carry out their agenda.
And I believe we are safer than we were. We are not yet safe enough. And I have proposed over the last year a number of policies that I think we should following.
Is there any way she could have packed more loathsome disingenuousness into thirty seconds? Every single word except the senator from New York part could have come out of George Bush's mouth. It's like she's studied all his talking points and boiled them down to their essentials.
1. Pretend you don't understand what people mean when they criticize the phrase "war on terror." Act like such people mean the 9/11 attacks weren't so bad.
2. Have you mentioned 9/11? Good. Be sure to emphasize your unique insight into and emotional connection with it.
3. Pretend to think the 9/11 terrorists were "intent upon foisting their way of life" upon us. Nothing better expresses the depth of your contempt for Americans.
4. Try to find that sweet spot where people will still be scared enough to feel they need you to protect them, but not so scared they start to wonder what you've been doing for the past five years.
She. Is. Horrible.
Posted at June 4, 2007 09:43 PM | TrackBackHillary Clinton vs Dick Cheney and Puppet: same policies, one more boob.
She's just job hunting, a gal's gotta eat.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at June 4, 2007 10:09 PMJon: Did you catch this Hillary gem?
Our troops... gave the Iraqi people a chance for elections and to have a government. It is the Iraqis who have failed to take advantage of that opportunity.Posted by: at June 4, 2007 10:36 PM
Quickly, Jon, go back to that Hillary music vid you posted and watch Big Hill shake her righteous head to the beat. The pain will soon go away . . .
Posted by: Dennis Perrin at June 4, 2007 10:39 PMLooks like anyone who actually has a chance in '08 is horrible on the stuff that matters.
We are well and truly fucked.
Posted by: ran at June 4, 2007 10:55 PMI picked up on that
...terrorists who are intent upon foisting their way of life...
bit too.
Bullshit. They were out to harm America because of Mid-East foreign policy.
Posted by: SPIIDERWEB™ at June 4, 2007 10:56 PM
"Everybody gets foisted on their own way of life."
One of the sayings of Hans Joachim Ohrenschmalz, German poet, chimneysweep and streetcarticketinspector (ret.)
Translation by Carry Tetlow, Univ. of Central Maine
When are you going to Flickr that box turtle? I onced finger painted my girlfriends box with glue and tapioca pudding.
Posted by: alec at June 5, 2007 12:02 AMI saw that and thought it was a shame that she and Giuliani are in different parties. Together, they'd make a dream ticket. A shameless, meddlesome, vindictive, hawkish, authoritarian dream ticket. The only problem is, which of them would settle for second billing?
Posted by: Chris E. at June 5, 2007 12:18 AMBut, of course, criticising a Democratic candidate or pointing out that there is no substantial difference between the two parties is a no-no because, as we all know, the Republicans must be defeated so that new government can be put in place and things can be changed and ... and ...
... sorry, where was I?
Posted by: Mike at June 5, 2007 07:40 AMWhy Chris, that's just where the assasinations would come into play, my boy.
My God! It's just good, old fashioned Crumbled Emipre sauteed and served on a sizzling-hot plate of decadence, ignorance then finished with a spritz of institutionalized hatred for bite and tang. Yeeeeeessssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: at June 5, 2007 09:39 AMMeans not a thing. Everyone who voted for Kerry in '04 will vote for Hillary in '08. (Hell, if you voted for "Send More Troops" Kerry, you'll vote for a ham sandwich.)
Posted by: AlanSmithee at June 5, 2007 09:51 AMUm, hello? There are third party candidates.
And we also have people like Ron Paul and Mike Gravel who are actually talking some sense.
I know, I know. Most Americans are too stupid and scared to throw their lot to the wind with these "radicals".
Posted by: abraham at June 5, 2007 11:37 AMWith a few magical edits (in bold), I'll show why I loathe Hillary Clinton about as much as Jonathan.
Presto!
BLITZER: Former Mayor Giuliani, do you agree with Senator Edwards that this war on terror is nothing more than a bumper sticker; at least the way it's been described?
FMR. MAYOR RUDOLPH GIULIANI (R): No, I do not. I was a mayor from New York. I have lived with the aftermath of 9/11, and I have seen firsthand the terrible damage that can be inflicted on our country by a small band of terrorists who are intent upon foisting their way of life and using suicide bombers and suicidal people to carry out their agenda.
And I believe we are safer than we were. We are not yet safe enough. And I have proposed over the last year a number of policies that I think we should following.
I know Giuliani does drag, but I didn't think he was THAT good. Can anyone make sure Giuliani and Clinton are in the same room at the same time?
Posted by: The tECHIDNA at June 5, 2007 12:20 PMBillary, now it's bombo eruptions.
Posted by: Vic Anderson at June 5, 2007 01:34 PMi agree wholeheartedly that hillary is horrible
Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at June 5, 2007 01:53 PMHillary Clinton is as phony as a three-dollar bill, and would be a disaster as president, as I maintain in my book, "Hillary Clinton Nude:Naked Ambition, Hillary Clinton And America's Demise." These debates only highlight how her campaign is all about image with not a drop of substance.
Posted by: Sheldon at June 5, 2007 03:58 PMa small band of terrorists who are intent upon foisting their way of life
Let's see.. who wanted to "'bring democracy' to the middle east?" Who is the author of "shock and awe" (aka "terror and terror")?
let's agree to avoid unnecessary foisting, shall we?
and Jon, say hello to your turtle for me.
Posted by: Jonathan Versen at June 5, 2007 06:08 PMCan we start a new thread, and let me know ahead of time, so I can come in at the beginning and say "Foist!"? That would be, like, humorous.
Posted by: Kip W at June 5, 2007 07:44 PMIf Bill waits much longer Hillary will be able to only to have 1 and 1 half kids before the election.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at June 5, 2007 10:33 PMThe odd thing about HRC is that when I read Bob Somerby I feel a little (only a little) sorry for the Clintons and the unfair treatment they've gotten from the press. Then about one microsecond later I remember why the treatment should be ten times harsher, but for completely different reasons. The same for the other mainstream Democrats. You have to juggle two conflicting thoughts simultaneously--the MSM hates the Democrats, but for all the wrong reasons.
Posted by: Donald Johnson at June 6, 2007 08:21 AMI know, I know. Most Americans are too stupid and scared to throw their lot to the wind with these "radicals".
I see dayv already posted the Orcinus link. Feelin' like a complete and total dumbass yet, Abe? I swear, stupid Americans who can't even bother to spend five minutes finding out what a white supremacist loon they're batting their eyes at...
And Alan Shittee - do you ever do anything but bitch about how no one is as pure and above-it-all as you?
Posted by: A Man from Nantucket at June 7, 2007 01:28 PMThank you very much. I had a strong reaction when I heard Hillary's straw man attack on Edwards, and was going to post on it, but you beat me to it (and broke it down more succintly than I would have). After reading your post, I actually respect Hillary even less, because it's very clear looking at her rhetoric she's thought this line of BS through, and she must know it's BS. I did like it when she challenged some of Blitzer's stupid framing, but her attack on Edwards was pure intellectual dishonesty and the sort of disingenuous rhetoric we've constantly had under Bush. Her attack wasn't as bad as Giuliani's ridiculous outrage at Ron Paul over 9/11 in the previous GOP debate, but Hillary's essentially pandering to the same mindset. Shameful.
Posted by: Batocchio at June 7, 2007 01:56 PMThis entire country is shameful. Always has been and forever will be....
Posted by: at June 11, 2007 12:14 PMAll this chatter---- I find it more fun to ACT! I bought some (nasty) Hillary Clinton Coloring Books on Amazon and sent them to my liberal friends. It drives them nuts!
Ray
These people are liars, cheaters, adulteress, instigators, intimidators, users and law breakers. I don’t understand why the people of color cannot see that the Clinton’s “USE THEM” to get their votes. I have yet to see where the Clinton’s have done anything spectacular for the people of color. Both Bill and Hillary do a nice imitation of southern black folks – and why aren’t they still living in the south! If I were a person from Alabama, I would have taken great issue with Hillary trying to imitation a southern person. But no, those This country couldn’t survive with another Clinton in the White House. people praised her – don’t they know when they are being made a joke of. Then you have Bill in Harlem playing the concerned former President who just loves people of color. YOU have got to be kidding. PEOPLE wake up can’t you see when you are being used, bought and paid for!!!!!!! Life is a bitch “don’t vote for one”
Posted by: TONI at June 22, 2007 10:26 PMfuck hillary clinton!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: eric martin at June 29, 2007 08:42 AM