You may only read this site if you've purchased Our Kampf from Amazon or Powell's or me
• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show

"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket

"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming

December 29, 2007

Hillary Knows Best

By: Bernard Chazelle

Senator Clinton outlined to Wolf Blitzer "Five Steps Needed To Address Pakistan in Wake of Bhutto Assassination."

Editorial comment: I counted only 4 steps but they are so big they feel like 5.

First, Hillary called for a Hariri-like investigation into Bhutto's assassination. Good idea. After all, that's how we got Bin Laden, so why not? But seriously I'm with her on this one.

Her second suggestion was to press for free and fair elections right on schedule. Again, who's to disagree? Democracy can't wait. Yes, I know, the main candidate was bumped off and her party was a shell built entirely around her, but surely her manicurist or yoga instructor can run in her place and beat a general with the full weight of the Army and the Intelligence Services behind him. That's the beauty of democracy: anyone can be president. Again, Hillary nailed that one.

The third part of her plan is to... well, it's subtle so let me quote her:

I suggested that a retired [US] military leader who could relate to President Musharraf on a one-to-one basis and ... serve as a kind of support to President Musharraf, military man to military man, about what it takes to really move toward democracy.

So we get a US general to help "support" a dictatorship in a faraway land... Worked great in Latin America, so why not?

The fourth step is to remind Musharraf that he is undermining democracy and ask him to shape up. What a brilliant move! Just think, if only we'd sent a reminder to Hitler and Stalin... Those dictators, you know, they forget.

But Hillary saved the best line for last:

Therefore we need to help them understand what is in their interest.

Their interest? Thou Art to Serve Thy Master.

— Bernard Chazelle

Posted at December 29, 2007 12:32 PM
Comments

This alone PROVES Mr. Scanner's point about the progressive movement being fucked, 'cause WE are ALL fucked. Candidatewise WE have scrapped the bottom out of the barrel and are now scratching on the dirt.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at December 29, 2007 01:56 PM

If Senator Clinton gets the nomination, the Republicans have won, because either their candidate will win (fairly or through their control of the vote counting), or Sen. Clinton (who is in essence a Republican) will win.

But it's hard to make predictions, especially about the future, and it is not yet certain that Clinton will be the Democratic Party candidate - it might be madrasa-trained half-breed Obama, or rhetorical challenger of the MICFiC* (although he remains a member of the War Party) Edwards, or possibly even someone else.


*MICFiC is an acronym for

M ilitary
I ndustrial
C ongressional
Fi nancial
C orporate Media Complex
-

a conspiracy to "milk, shear, and slaughter the sheeple", in a figurative sense - except the slaughter is literal.

Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at December 29, 2007 02:49 PM

It's a bit odd that Clinton would use the UN Hariri investigations as a model. There have been nine UN reports by two different investigators and they have not fingered anyone. The first two reports by the first investigator suggested that the Lebanon and Syrian security services were probably involved, the seven later reports didn't say much of anything. Other murders investigated by the second UN investigator likewise were fruitless.
http://www.worldpoliticsreview.com/article.aspx?id=1411

Regarding elections, they don't seem possible when there are cars burning on the highways, shops are looted, there is no gasoline and people are being shot in the streets. This might be normal in New York, but in Pakistan democracy can wait.

Is Karen Hughes still available for the jacked-up propaganda program to tell 160 million Pakistanis what their proper interests are? Their proper interest is actually to have the US butt out, so Karen may not want to take that on.

Posted by: Don Bacon at December 29, 2007 03:13 PM

How about they get Bhutto's wife to run? Oh, right...

Posted by: darrelplant at December 29, 2007 04:36 PM

I suggested that a retired [US] military leader who could relate to President Musharraf on a one-to-one basis and ... serve as a kind of support to President Musharraf, military man to military man

I nominate Wesley Clark for the job. He could call Musharraf his "little brown brother."

Posted by: SteveB at December 29, 2007 05:25 PM

SteveB: No doubt that's who she had in mind.
Personally, I would prefer General Boykin. Time to remind the little brown brothers that our god is bigger than their god.

Posted by: Bernard Chazelle at December 29, 2007 05:45 PM

Don Bacon: Yeah, Tampa and Birmingham are the same way, and Atlanta! I shudder to think what NOLA is like these days.

Posted by: Mike Meyer at December 29, 2007 08:15 PM

Hilary Clinton's points appear to be all over the map politically speaking, which is why this is a clear indicator that she knows she is not going anywhere. Apparently she is more trying to bridge the radical voices and the Republican lite in the Democratic Party. Near-radicals like Cynthia McKinney have indeed called for the Free Elections bit, while the "asking to shape up" and "helping them understand what is in their interest" bits are essentially toothless attacks that sound like actual action.

Posted by: En Ming Hee at December 29, 2007 09:16 PM

C'mon, read between the lines a little. 3,4,5 are a pretty clear message to Musharraf that he is expendable and can be replaced. Don't know if it can really be done, but those 5 points in diplo-speak are as threatening and hostile as it can get. Remember, we sent BB over to take his job.

It also tells me that HRC thinks Musharraf is responsible for the assassination.

Posted by: bob mcmanus at December 29, 2007 10:25 PM
C'mon, read between the lines a little. 3,4,5 are a pretty clear message to Musharraf that he is expendable and can be replaced.

True, but Musharraf has lived beneath the shadow of that whirring blade so long he wouldn't know daylight if it beamed through his bedroom window. If he actually had a bedroom window.

Hearing Hillary and other Unitary Executive candidates speak of democracy is like listening to Michael Bolton cover Otis Redding. Lame to the point of absurdity, but surprisingly popular - at least, among those who have no idea who Otis Redding was.

Posted by: Arvin Hill at December 30, 2007 12:05 AM

I suggest that if Clinton's brilliant idea passes, in return Pakistan investigates the Kennedy assassination.

Posted by: Tom Paine at December 30, 2007 01:00 AM

darrelplant: I believe Ms. Bhutto's husband was known as "Mr. 10%" because that was his cut while she was in office. Therefore it sounds reasonable.

Posted by: StO at December 30, 2007 01:16 AM

Arvin:

>> Hearing Hillary and other Unitary Executive candidates speak of democracy is like listening to Michael Bolton cover Otis Redding.

You might remember Bill Clinton declaring Kenny G to be his favorite sax player!

Posted by: Bernard Chazelle at December 30, 2007 02:14 AM

You might remember Bill Clinton declaring Kenny G to be his favorite sax player!

Sweet Lord. I'd forgotten that, Bernard.

He's probably graduated to Dave Koz by now.

Unless asked in Harlem, at which point he would bite his lip and, with a pensive gaze lasting 5.3 seconds, declare it "a toss-up between Trane, Sonny Rollins and Wayne Shorter." Before scoffing, remember: Bill Clinton was retrofitted with the title of America's First Black President. So he's probably done just enough homework to sound convincing. Hello, Wikipedia!

I shudder to think what other atrocities I've forgotten. But, then, that's one of the perks of frequenting A Tiny Revolution, where repressed memories can recapture their glory days as fresh wounds.

Posted by: Arvin Hill at December 30, 2007 03:47 AM

But what if Pakistanis don't want democracy?

Posted by: Rosemary Molloy at December 30, 2007 08:45 AM

When will WE bring Democracy to New Orleans?

Posted by: Mike Meyer at December 30, 2007 08:03 PM