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"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
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"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
March 25, 2008
Funny Americans
Recently Glenn Greenwald pointed to a post by "OldPunk" at an Instapundit-approved blurg. Here's some of what the post said about Obama's speech last week about race. The "you" to which OldPunk is addressing himself is black Americans generally:
You see, you've just given life to the suspicion that black people in America are, and have long been, a fifth column -- unanimously hating the very country that has afforded the highest standard of living ever achieved by black people in human history. We're teetering at the edge of believing that you're a secret society, a massive collection of sleeper cells just waiting for your chance to do serious harm to the rest of us. You've made it possible for us to believe that.
I'd bet a lot of money that "OldPunk" was outraged in 2003 by Saddam's massacres of Iraqi Kurds (though not when they were actually happening during the eighties, when he almost certainly didn't know about them).
The funny part is, some Iraqi Kurds were more than just under "suspicion" of being "a fifth column" during that time. They were actually accepting arms and training from a country with which Iraq was at war, and which in fact had its armies on Iraqi soil.
So if this is "OldPunk"'s view of black Americans now, I wonder how he'd respond if there were substantial African American militias in U.S. cities who'd been armed and trained by Saddam Hussein and/or Osama bin Laden, at the same time there were Arab troops in Seattle and Boston? My guess is he'd be saying "break out the nerve gas."
The correlation here is probably almost exact. Just about every single person who wanted war because Saddam "gassed his own people" is someone who'd want a white American president to gas other Americans.
—Jonathan Schwarz
Posted at March 25, 2008 01:05 PMYou sure you aren't exaggerating slightly?
Posted by: Save the Oocytes at March 25, 2008 03:29 PMYeah, gassing isn't the American Way. But say, fellas, maybe we could put some of them on reservations. Worked before.
Posted by: donescobar at March 25, 2008 03:39 PMYou sure you aren't exaggerating slightly?
I'm pretty sure I'm not exaggerating. In fact, considering how bonkers they went after the 2001 attacks, I think I may be underestimating what America's right would support under those circumstances. I wouldn't be at all surprised if they'd build extermination camps.
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at March 25, 2008 04:36 PMI may be underestimating what America's right would support...
America's right is what you're concerned about?
I thought that America's middle and the sizable middling left went just a little batshit as well. (Security moms are America's right?)
Not to mention the consolidated media with the flagwaving, the high-def graphics and the cheerleading media punditry of both ilk.
Posted by: angryman@24:10 at March 25, 2008 04:50 PMEverybody went crazy, but I don't think George Packer and Hillary Clinton would support either outdoor gassing or indoor extermination camps. They'd just maintain a discreet silence.
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at March 25, 2008 05:08 PMThere was about a 6 month period after 9/11 where even the supposed semi-leftwing journals (the Nation and Salon--left of the NYT, to the right of the Progressive or Z) would run articles or opinion pieces attacking anyone who even hinted that 9/11 might have roots in US policy, or that we'd done things that were as bad or worse. In the Nation that was Hitchens writing those articles, but what shocked me was that many Nation subscribers apparently approved. In Salon I remember someone writing a piece criticizing the Iraqi sanctions and other US atrocities in the US--not long afterwards they then published a piece by one of their regulars ripping that apart, basically accusing the earlier writer of some sort of moral turpitude. For awhile it seemed like 9/11 had wiped the slate clean--we were the Good Guys, the Innocent Victims, and anyone who said otherwise was a terror apologist. And that was the feeling I got on much of the left, nevermind the centrist liberals, the centrists, and the right.
Posted by: Donald Johnson at March 25, 2008 06:49 PMNot a reader, then, of "Revolution," the publication of Bob Avakian's Revolutionary Communist Party, USA?
I read a few RCP publications a long time ago. I think they thought that the Cultural Revolution was the high point so far in the development of human civilization--they were also fans of the Shining Path. The appeal of all this was somewhat limited, but it is, I think, a tribute to the human spirit that one can be a raving lunatic in so many varied ways.
Posted by: Donald Johnson at March 25, 2008 10:15 PMNot so relevant to this post, but in general this would seem to fit in here.
There's a good piece in the latest NYRB, "Euphemism and American Violence".
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/21199
Posted by: Bruce F at March 25, 2008 10:22 PMi'm just glad those jokers don't have to use new numbers for the column with every new accusation. losing count would just make them madder.
Posted by: hapa at March 25, 2008 10:53 PMThere was a time when the corporate media moved its allegiances back and forth between both major political parties depending upon which party was the most powerful. I suppose one can forgive it for doing that since self-preservation has such a high status that one can justify almost anything, but there is a third party, the corporate/intelligence party or as George Bush referred to it "the shadow government".
Comprised of certain members of the news media, heads of particular corporations and politicians who have gone over to the dark side they cannot wait to declare that it is their turn at the helm. John McCain is the perfect tool for just such an invasion.
This party, (one can feel it,) exists in the political discourse, media coverage, and political spin. It has fellow travelers in other areas such as research, academia, and education etc. For whatever their personal reasons they have one belief that binds their associations. The belief is that fascism is the most profitable and efficient form of government.
It is materialistic, nationalistic, aggressive, warmongering, but the glue that binds is the absolute belief that the only people who should be making important decisions are professionals/experts in various fields who through their alliance promote the modern fascist state. It is where the callousness of discourse comes from, the world weary cynicism, the disrespect for the American people, and the abandonment of liberal or democratic principles under a constitution and administered through the rule of law.
The arrogance of the group grows as it ignores the "will of the people" and the "inherent rights" of the individual for they are the experts and only they know the direction the nation should take. A worrisome expression of this group was succinctly put by Dick Cheney recently when he was told that the majority of the people want to be out of Iraq. Cheney's response was, "So".
As the group consolidates its power through the corporate media, and gains complete control over the society its arrogance bubbles to the surface in Cheney's and others similar view of the citizens of this country. Make no mistake about it; these people are the very definition of what it is to be a traitor.
The system of checks and balances, the co-equal branches of government, equal protection under the law and other bedrock concerns of a democratic republic mean nothing to them. Such concerns are thought of as annoyances that stand in the way of their open declaration of a successful coup.
It may be the U.S. military that is the only remaining institution that stands between the third shadow political party and a declaration of control. There remain patriots in the military who know that their sworn duty it to protect the Constitution from enemies both foreign and domestic. The third party is actively trying convince various military leaders to abandon their mission and join the party of treason, but they have yet to bring the all the chiefs of staff into their circle of traitors.
Rest assured that individuals within the shadow government are working on it every day. One such attempt that the executive branch put forward was to have a leader of military leaders who answered to no one, but the president. Such a post would be blatantly unconstitutional, never the less it is a goal. A similar post that the group wants to establish is the role of an intelligence czar that also only answers to the president. We should consider the effort to establish either of these two offices acts of treason or crimes against the citizens of the United States.
Whoever becomes the next president will have to answer to these people, because without saying so the impression will be that it is a very dangerous position to be in opposition to their goal. They need only say to the new president that they cannot guarantee his safety unless the controls they desire are put into place. It is the implied threat that hangs over all of our representatives or at least the ones who are important to the achievement of the traitors' goal. Leaders of committees that can facilitate the coup are especially vulnerable to this type of threat.
The other threat is the ability to spy on anyone at any time, and anywhere. This ability gives the group the power of blackmail and extortion over the people's representatives, because they do not know if they were targets for recording all of their personal information. A blip on the radar for this treasonous behavior was the invasion of Barack Obama's personal information with the ensuing cover-up of making it appear that all three of the candidates’ personal files were looked into with equal enthusiasm.
The corporate media traitors’ quick fix for the intrusion of lackeys who may not have known themselves the true nature of their acts was to refer to the invasion of privacy as simple nosiness. On occasion the fascist group errors in its judgment and its invasions of privacy bubble to the surface in seemingly innocent ways. Remember once the group convinces enough military leaders to join in their treasonous actions America and the American people are done.
Many of the players have considerable experience in coups orchestrated in the countries of Latin and South America. They know what works and what does not. They are not biding their time, they simply need enough people without a common cause, or people who are uninspired by the history of liberty and the belief in human dignity and the circle will close.
The majority of Americans who were raised to love this country will then be able to say, we are all insurgents in America, because no group of criminal punks and traitors are going to get away with this behavior without consequence, even if it means the greatest sacrifice an individual can make. This is not a reference to giving up whatever sport they are addicted to watching or hobby they participate in.
You have crossed the line with this post, and I denounce and deject you.
"Just about every single person"? That is more than inaccurate. It is hate speech, pure and simple.
Get back on the reservation, man.
(all snark aside, I think that you did overstate yourself more than a wee bit.)
Posted by: homunq at March 26, 2008 12:58 AMpurpleOnion,
I feel ya, bro. Little by little, the incremental advance of our own version of the Enabling Act is being accomplished - PATRIOT Act, erosion of habeas corpus, unchallenged aggrandizements by the Unitary Executive against the powers vested in the legislative and judicial branches, implementation of the surveillance state (TIA in drag), rise of officially sanctioned militia (Blackwater). With the likely collapse of finance capitalism and all that that implies for the dashed expectations of the Endlessly Entitled Citizenry, the Third Party's moment may arrive. Dangerous times. I hope that the spirit of Smedley Butler still lives in the hearts of some of our military should the need arise.
Posted by: JerseyJeffersonian at March 26, 2008 02:40 AMeh, the NYT has a story about how South Africa (or AfriKKKA) has conecentration camps for TB patients. And the greatest danger to Amerika (of the KKK A!) is not Obama/Osama, it's fucking Cornel West. Osama/Obama might kill me with a plane or a bomb, but is's a 1 in a hundred chance, but Puff Corny will 99% sure annoy me to death. Man, Porfessor Corny is proof black people are incapable of thoughtful reason.
Posted by: xyz at March 26, 2008 04:22 AMoh, and a side note: my little firecracker this morning compared one of my verbal constructions to Akhmatova. Having a prof of Russian literature compare you to the greatest Russian poet of the 20th century is something I must admit is not common even for me. (and yes, at least young Russian academics are an entirely different breed)
As for gassing our "fifth column," don't we already have AIDS? : ) At least the Obama campaign thinks so.
Posted by: xyz at March 26, 2008 07:17 AM"Just about every single person who wanted war because Saddam "gassed his own people" is someone who'd want a white American president to gas other Americans."
Yeah, that possibly is overstated, but if you'd said "A large fraction, possibly even the overwhelming majority", you'd be right, I think. Though I also think that people accusing you of overstatement are ignoring the hypothetical conditions you outline--a major African-American insurgency trained by Saddam.
If we forget about hypotheticals, the majority of Americans (or any other group of humans) care much more about enemy atrocities than they do about those of the home team.
"...black people are incapable of thoughtful reason."
Even for tiresome and unfunny parody,that should be enough to get him banned.If you don't want to do it outright,how about we vote?
BobS: Even today I hear that kind of BIGOTED CRAP from people I meet when talking about the election. IT EXISTS AND MUST BE CONFRONTED not run away from. Hiding from idiots DOES NOT make them any more informed or disappear. Stubby is no different from any other rubber sheet wearing, bedwetting bigot and they are by no means rare.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at March 27, 2008 03:31 PM@Mike,
...rubber sheet wearing, bedwetting...?
Did I miss some major component of Stubby's self-revelation?
In any case, it's seems tacky to associate someone's unfortunate incontinence with bigotry.
Posted by: angryman@24:10 at March 28, 2008 10:39 AMangryman: I'm a POLITICIAN, angryman, and by definition not above anything. Tacky? I'm just getting started.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at March 28, 2008 11:04 AM