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April 17, 2008

Cocktail Party at the Supreme Court

By: Bernard Chazelle

The Supremes have unveiled a new recipe for that delicious 3-drug cocktail. Yes, this one:

Kentucky is one of at least 30 states that execute people by lethal injection of a three-drug cocktail. This method was meant to be humane, but it can cause inmates to feel excruciating pain.

Honestly, Kentucky should stick to killing humanely with carcinogenic fried chicken and leave the cocktail killing options to the pros.

Like Antonin Scalia.

Today, Justice Scalia announced his brand-new 3-drug cocktail to great fanfare. The cocktail is best consumed chilled, with an olive. Here's how it works:

* Drug 1 kills you;
* Drug 2 prevents your soul from being resurrected;
* Drug 3 lowers your cholesterol.

When asked if drug 3 was really necessary, Scalia reminded his audience about the solemmn constitutional duty to kill humanely.

—Bernard Chazelle

Posted at April 17, 2008 09:02 PM
Comments

Me? Frankly I'm not fine with anything unless it's fembots that can bring on an orgasm. The end would be coming, and coming would be the end.

Posted by: En Ming Hee at April 17, 2008 10:15 PM

Are these properties of KCl I was unaware of?

I think it'd be more humane to inject drugs 2 and 3 first. It'd be a bigger relief to know before death that the cholesterol was down (the "bad cholesterol") and that no unexpected circumstances would free them from death's cold, loving embrace.

At risk of revealing my ignorance: is it possible to score some of this shit on the street?

Posted by: StO at April 17, 2008 10:17 PM

What ever happened to using a rope?

Posted by: Mike Meyer at April 18, 2008 01:50 AM

i've always wondered - before they give the lethal injection, do they swab the injection site with antiseptic, because it's standard procedure - or do they just skip it?

Posted by: mistah charley, ph.d. at April 18, 2008 03:24 PM

I believe they swab.

Posted by: StO at April 18, 2008 10:02 PM

So how about a compromise: KFCI?

Posted by: Kip W at April 22, 2008 03:46 PM