What Women Love

A New Yorker profile of infamous Republican dirty-tricker Roger Stone includes this important information:

Although Stone shares many of Nixon’s resentments, his own tastes have always tended to more Rabelaisian pleasures than “champagne music” and Salisbury steak. Not long ago, Stone went to the Ink Monkey tattoo shop in Venice Beach and had a portrait of Nixon’s face applied to his back, right below the neck. “Women love it,” Stone said.

Gentlemen! I urge you not to get left behind in this area. A Nixon tattoo is a good start, but there's so much more Nixon-themed body modification you can do to please the ladies. Here are just a few more examples that women love on men:

• Scarification to create silhouette of Spiro Agnew

• Foot-binding that gives you tiny feet that look like G. Gordon Liddy

• Shaving your pubic hair into caricature of Henry Kissinger

• Pearling that spells out in braille "I am not a crook"

—Jonathan Schwarz