or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
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"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
August 29, 2008
Why President McCain Will Bomb Norway
By: Bernard Chazelle
By picking Governor Palin (any relation to Michael?) as his running mate, McCain shows he's either a genius or a fool. Time will tell.
I know nothing about the smart, feisty, articulate, gorgeous Ms Palin (and "nothing" is an understatement), but McCain seems to be gambling that everyone will underestimate her. I can already hear Biden in the debate:
"I knew Dan Quayle. Dan Quayle was a friend of mine. Governor, you're no Dan Quayle!"
Anyway, to go from Cheney, the world's ugliest leader, to the American answer to Carla Bruni, that, my friends, is change Hollywood can believe in. I can only guess where the TV cameras will be pointing from now on. Obama's glamour factor will take a hit. His speech last night already seems like a distant memory.
Poor Hillary! She did all the hard work so that Americans can now accept the idea of a Ms Palin one heartbeat away from the presidency. If elected, I assume she'll keep a statue of Hillary in her office. She'll owe her big time.
Obama now has the unenviable task of keeping yet another woman away from a top job. It's getting to be a habit. Furthermore, he can hardly attack her inexperience.
Plus, she eats moose burger !!!
Maybe this balloon will pop. Or not. I have no idea.
But what this surprise choice tells me is that Norwegians should start supplying their basements with milk and cookies.
Expect a surprise attack on Norway in February 2009! (Don't tell your friends, or it won't be a surprise and my prediction will become only half true.)
Why Norway, you ask? Because:
1. Norway is a close ally of ours, so attacking it would be a HUGE SURPRISE! You know, like choosing Palin.
2. Norwegian troops are all in Afghanistan fighting with us, so Norway is defenseless against a sneak attack. So McCain would win the war! Like Lincoln and Eisenhower! Not like Bush, who lost his wars. That would be change we can believe in.
3. Norwegian moose is DELICIOUS!
— Bernard Chazelle
carla bruni was an elected official?
Posted by: hapa at August 29, 2008 06:48 PMBernard, you're certifiable, which is good. I haven't laughed that hard since someone called Biden a foreign policy expert.
Posted by: Don Bacons at August 29, 2008 08:15 PMThe only reason I can think of for McCain to have picked her is to grab a slice of the PUMA vote. That particular surge will last about 2 weeks, tops, long enough for every single Hillary supporter in the country to realize that Palin is nothing compared to Hillary's experience, intellect, and drive - and she's a raving right-to-lifer and homophobe to boot. It'll *never* work. No. Chance.
Also, she's not that good-looking. She's not ugly, certainly. But she's not as good-looking as Dana Perino, with whom she has much more in common than with Hillary.
Also! - wasn't it McCain who criticized Barack for being a good-looking, inexperienced celebrity? Irony much, John?
Posted by: Guest at August 29, 2008 08:23 PMOh Guest,
I think you overestimate the GOP's base.
Posted by: tim at August 29, 2008 08:44 PMAnd Norway has OIL and no Al Queda(for now).
Posted by: athEIst at August 29, 2008 10:33 PMhere is a comment on a blog entry from Taki's Magzine . they are paleo-right in case one does not know . i can not make up my mind if he is another aspiring comedy writer or a true believer ..
Prolife, pro small business, pro gun, pro drilling everywhere, and anti gay marriage, I have to vote for the ticket and hope the Good Lord calls old John home to his reward.
Posted by the original jack on Aug 29, 2008.
Norwegian moose is indeed delicious.
The reindeer, not so much. It's the big chewy red noses that turn me off.
Posted by: Tommy at August 29, 2008 11:16 PMNorway is the US's #11 foreign debtholder @ $43.3b.
I say do 'em.
ANY kind of moose is good. MY republican friends are positively glowing from the Mccain vp pick. I tell them they STILL have Mccain, whom they hate, but they can NOW vote for him with a clear conscience---he has a woman vp.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at August 30, 2008 12:26 AMI would say that McCain's health is precarious enough that Palin might end up the Presidential candidate.
Leave out the L in her name and you got PAIN.
Posted by: Susan at August 30, 2008 02:38 AMAren't there are lot of Norwegian lumberjacks?
I hear they're OK.
Yeah, but they sleep all night and they work all day, so what fun are they?
Posted by: Mike at August 30, 2008 07:16 AMso far governor palin seems to have several rather large problems. aside from the obvious issue of her complete lack of readiness for the position of president (as karl rove pointed out with respect to governor kaine for democratic vp) and the investigation into the firing of the public safety commissioner. another potential bombshell is that the down-syndrome baby she and mccain are parading around may in fact be her underage daughter's. the alaska government online photo albums have been pulled but there are photographs of palin available on line from february and march in which she is clearly not seven months pregnant.
mccain has finally completely lost his marbles.
Posted by: karen marie at August 30, 2008 01:18 PMGov Palin's baby DOES have Down's syndrome and she and her husband decided to have the baby in spite of knowing during her prganancy that the expected baby could have Down's Syndrome.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/29/trig-paxson-van-palin-sar_n_122474.html
http://www.adn.com/626/story/382864.html
So I expect her to be against Capital Punishment ( state sanctioned murder ) and against War ( killing of innocent civilians ) otherwise, she will be another one of those conservative republican hypocrites.
Posted by: Rupa Shah at August 30, 2008 02:14 PMdarrelplant: Yes, I absolutely do. ( In any case, Sen Biden was never and is not my choice of VP anyway ).
If one believes in sanctity of life, one can not claim to support life in a certain situation and condone killing in another in MY way of thinking.
darrelplant: I want to clarify what I wrote. Just because Sen Biden is a Catholic, what views he holds on abortion, war and capital punishment is his prerogative. My objection is to people condoning killing in one situation but being against it in another. If Sen Biden is against abortion but is for war and capital punishment, THAT WOULD BE HYPOCRICY.
Posted by: Rupa Shah at August 30, 2008 03:01 PMkaren marie
please enlighten us how " qualified " the " change and hope " barry O is qualified to be president .
a curious an idle mind wonders .
I followed the link, Jonathan -- almost missed it because I didn't read this post, originally. I sent you an e-mail.
Posted by: No One of Consequence at August 31, 2008 03:22 AMAs a Norwegian, I do look forward to getting rid of the War (the second in the world that is). For too long have the previous generations been harping on about Germany and the glourious Resistance to the Occupation (while not remembering the round up of jews, treatment of young girls falling in love whit German soldiers etc).
I look forward to retreat into the mountains and the fjords, set up base and have weaponry and equipment air-dropped by our Comrades to the East.
I have only one thing to say: Bring 'em on!
PS. There are way to many moose here anyway. DS
Posted by: Kjetting at September 3, 2008 07:22 AM
