or Powell's or me• • •
"Mike and Jon, Jon and Mike—I've known them both for years, and, clearly, one of them is very funny. As for the other: truly one of the great hangers-on of our time."—Steve Bodow, head writer, The Daily Show
•
"Who can really judge what's funny? If humor is a subjective medium, then can there be something that is really and truly hilarious? Me. This book."—Daniel Handler, author, Adverbs, and personal representative of Lemony Snicket
•
"The good news: I thought Our Kampf was consistently hilarious. The bad news: I’m the guy who wrote Monkeybone."—Sam Hamm, screenwriter, Batman, Batman Returns, and Homecoming
December 10, 2008
Overheard On The Street
WOMAN #1: Ow! Ow! Ow!
WOMAN #2: What's wrong?!?
WOMAN #1: I accidentally set my hair on fire!
—Jonathan Schwarz
Posted at December 10, 2008 08:29 AMBubby: what's a metaphor?
Gail: cows.
Posted by: tiffa at December 10, 2008 09:41 AMHmm, can't decide.
The credit crisis in a nutshell...
The McCain campaign in a nutshell...
The GOP in a nutshell...
Twitter in a nutshell...
The Iraq War in a nutshell...
Doctor: I’m afraid you have only six months to live.
Patient: I’m afraid I won’t be able to pay your bill.
Doctor: Okay, you have twelve months to live.
Nurse: "Doctor, there's an invisible man in your waiting room."
Doctor: "Tell him I can't see him."
Doctor: You have inoperable cancer of the liver.
Patient: Fuck!
Posted by: Dennis Perrin at December 10, 2008 07:46 PMDP for the win. That reminds me of one of my favorite jokes:
Q: What's worse than taking a bite of an apple and finding a worm?
A: Cancer.
Posted by: Barry Freed at December 11, 2008 01:01 AMI don't get what's so funny about any of this. All of a sudden I feel like I'm at a Dane Cook marathon.
Posted by: En Ming Hee at December 11, 2008 03:20 AMQ: What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?
A: Einstein's cock.
Posted by: Seth at December 11, 2008 09:06 AMGo fuck yourself, Seth.
Posted by: Nell at December 11, 2008 05:55 PMNell: I'm betting he already has, several times.
Posted by: Mike Meyer at December 11, 2008 06:02 PMYou keep this up and ATR will have to change its name to Little Red Footballs.
Long Live Vaudeville!
Patient: I'm not sure I have a problem, but my family says I do, so I've come along to you.
Psychiatrist: And what do your family think the problem is?
Patient: Well, the thing is - I like pancakes.
Psychiatrist: Son, your family are confused. There's nothing wrong with liking pancakes. I myself like pancakes.
Patient: Really? You do? You should come over to my house - I've got closets full of them!
Posted by: RobWeaver at December 11, 2008 08:01 PMSeth, your general being-ness as a person is welcome here. Your persistent strain of gratuitous ugliness is not. Please shape up or prepare to ship out.
Posted by: Jonathan Schwarz at December 12, 2008 02:04 AMI accidentally set my hair on fire!
I HATE when THAT happens.
You know what I hate?
I go into the kitchen, I open the drawer, you know?
And I take out a, uh--
(Carrot scraper?)
Right. And I stick it up my nose, you know, and I'm rootin' it around, and, you know, gettin' all the mucus membranes out o' there, you know? And then I take one o' them, uh--?
(Mentholated eucalyptus cough drops?)
Right. And I stick it-- wedge it up there, you know? I take a couple o' whiffs, boy.
Heh, ya feel like your head's gonna explode.
